I was a trainee in Watchman Nee's first training on Kuling Mountain, Foochow, in 1948. I attended his training for nearly four months and was greatly helped by him. On one occasion, after I gave a testimony, he made the following comments:
Brother Chang, you said that in spiritual matters you frequently felt flat and often felt dry. I hope that from now on you will disregard all these feelings. Whether or not you feel flat, disregard it. Simply commit yourself into the Lord's hand and believe that He is able to take care of you, and spontaneously He will bring you through. There are many problems we cannot overcome by ourselves. However, when we behold the Lord and draw near to the Lord, the problem disappears.
The following is a parable about a centipede. One day, as a centipede was about to walk, it examined its legs to consider which one should move first. Should the left leg move first or the right one? How about the eighth leg, or the tenth? The centipede was stuck there trying to make a decision. The problem of the mind became a problem of the practice. Eventually, the sun came up. Without thinking, the centipede ran out to see the sunrise without considering which leg should move first. It forgot about how to walk and simply walked. When the problem of the mind was gone, the problem of the practice also disappeared.
The more you try to deal with the inner dryness, depression, and flatness, the more you cannot overcome them. These things become an issue because you make them an issue. If you forget about them and let them go, they will disappear.
Sometimes a problem is conquered by fighting, and other times it is conquered by forgetting. Many things can be gotten over by the exercise of your strength. But at other times, simply by forgetting it, the problem is solved. Boast in your weakness and give up your striving and your methods; then His power will spread over you.
This is the secret: Ask God to give you a glimpse of His riches and His glory through reading the Bible, praying, attending a meeting, or having fellowship with the brothers. Spontaneously, you will forget about other things. The infilling comes by forgetting, and forgetting comes by touching the Lord. Once you touch the Lord, you will no longer look at yourself.
Following his comments on my testimony, I asked him the following question: "I was sick for a year with tuberculosis, even with blood in my mucus. One day God's word came, I received faith, and the sickness was healed. But occasionally I would vomit again and the symptom would reappear. Why does the symptom reappear, and how do I overcome it?"