According to my experiences over the past fifty years in the church life, all the problems came out of one source— ambition. In the church life and church service ambition is a real gopher. Not only in the secular government are there power struggles, but even in the church the problem is ambition. This is a shame.
We would all like to be on the same level as Peter, Paul, or Apollos and not as Timothy whom we consider a learner and not a leader. Yet in the New Testament they are all apostles. (1 Tim. 1:1-3; Matt. 10:2; 1 Cor. 4:6, 9, 17). Acts 14:14 records that both Barnabas and Paul were apostles. Today none of us would consider Barnabas as anything. Everyone desires to be on the same level as the Apostle Paul.
So this matter of ambition has been the real source of all the problems over the years. From the time the Lord’s recovery came to the United States and was established in 1962, there was never any talk about who the apostles were until 1982. This matter has been debated even more during the past three years.
This has also been a problem in the Far East. On the island of Taiwan within five years (1949-1954) we grew from a few hundred to fifty thousand. The people crowded in because we preached the gospel over the whole island and in a prevailing way. So many people were brought into the church life that we had to do something. By themselves the elders, deacons, and deaconesses were not adequate to handle the number. So we added group leaders. Those groups worked well to take care of the people, but ambition was there in the group leaders. As more group leaders were added, some were crouching, waiting to get the position of group leader.
One very good sister, who was seeking the Lord and serving diligently, did expect to be one of the group leaders. At that time, almost every six months we added new group leaders. When the names of the new group leaders were announced, and she did not hear her name, she was greatly disappointed. Her problem continued even for a few years and troubled the church. Later, from 1957 to 1965 in Taipei there was a kind of rebellion due to this matter of ambition.
Although Romans 12 shows us that we are honorable priests, eventually if we mean business to partake of the service in the church, we must humble ourselves to be slaves. To be a slave was a part of Paul’s preaching. In 2 Corinthians chapter four, Paul says, “For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your slaves for Jesus sake” (v. 5). We preach firstly Christ as Lord, and then we preach ourselves as slaves.
On the one hand, we do love the Lord, but there is a real problem within all of us—our natural ambition. We must not say that because of His mercy and grace, we do not have this problem. We dare not say this. Even in the church meetings when some saints pray and receive more “amens” than you, you do not feel happy.
Although in mainland China I was in the center of the Lord’s work, I was not the umbrella. The big umbrella was Brother Watchman Nee, so all the arrows came to him. He was the target. Then, the political situation in China changed and the country fell into the hands of the Communists. The work sent me out of mainland China in the spring of 1949. Only three to five hundred of us, a very small number, came to Taiwan. At that time, there were only a few churches on the whole island. Besides Taiwan there were a number of churches, in the Philippines, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, and Indonesia. In those five places outside of mainland China forty years ago, there were about eighty to ninety churches. When I came out, I did not have the thought or idea to be the leader. The only thought I had was a burden for that primitive island of Taiwan.
I had come from the large modern city of Shanghai, which was the center of the British concession, to a primitive place. So, my burden was only to labor. In my pocket was not more than three hundred dollars with which to care for my family. Therefore, I had no thought about what I would be or what I should be. Eventually I became the target because I became the umbrella. The sufferings, problems, and troubles always came from one source—ambition.
When I came to chapters twenty and twenty-three of Matthew during the 1977 Winter Training on that book, I did speak a strong word to the sisters who are wives of the elders that they should consider themselves as wives of slaves. In Matthew 23:8 the Lord said, “But you, do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers.” Either we do not serve at all or as one who serves, we think that the church surely owes us something. If so, this causes trouble.