Oh that the things that were seen and heard in this extraordinary person, his holiness, heavenliness, labor, and self-denial in life, his so remarkably devoting himself and his all, in heart and practice, to the glory of God, and the wonderful frame of mind manifested, in so steadfast a manner, under the expectation of death, and the pains and agonies that brought it on, may excite in us all a due sense of the greatness of the work we have to do in the world, the excellency and amiableness of thorough religion in experience and practice, and the blessedness of the end of such.
These are the words of Jonathan Edwards at the burial of David Brainerd, who became his son through the gospel. When Brainerd was twenty-five years old, he labored among the poor Indians in the heart of the forest in America. He labored, he suffered, he prayed, he fasted until the Spirit of God was poured upon them, so that many repented, turned to the Lord, and lived for the Lord. Five years later, he rested.
Yet concerning himself, he sighed this way, "Oh, the filth within me! Oh, my shame and sins before God! Oh, the pride, selfishness, hypocrisy, ignorance, bitterness, party zeal, and the lack of love, candor, gentleness, and peace that have attended my attempts to promote the interests of religion!"
The head of the China Inland Mission in Canada, Mr. Frost, was a co-worker of Hudson Taylor for decades. He said that he prayed with Hudson Taylor hundreds or even thousands of times, yet not once did he hear Mr. Taylor pray without confessing his sins.
These are men who drew close to God more than others; yet surprisingly, they had these kinds of feelings about themselves. Let me ask a question. Can ordinary believers, who are not as close to God as these and do not sense their own corruption, be more advanced than these men? Everyone would answer, No. If they do not sense their shortcomings, it does not mean that they are good. On the contrary, this only shows that they lack the enlightenment of self-knowledge. The reason that these men could sense their own unworthiness was because they were especially close to God. They received more of the light of God than others. They knew the absolute measure of the holiness of God. Therefore, they felt their own shortcomings more than the others. First John tells us: "But if we walk in the light..the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from every sin" (1:7). Because we are in the light, sins are manifested and the blood of Jesus becomes necessary. Then it continues: "If we say that we do not have sin, we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us" (v. 8). Those who say that they have no sin are self-deceivers. The reason that they can deceive themselves is because truth—the truth that comes from the light of God --is not in their heart. Only those without the enlightening of God will consider themselves to be good, holy, perfect, and sinless. If we draw close to God as these men did, then we will surely also sense our own filthiness. The more we draw close to God, the higher our measure of holiness and the more we will know what is filthy, corrupt, and unrighteous.
The depth of our feeling toward sin varies with the amount of the light of God that we have received. We did not consider many things to be sin at the start of our Christian living. When we progressed in grace, we understood those things were also sins. Many things which we considered right last year, we discovered were wrong this year because we have received more of the light of God. Perhaps many things which you now consider as acceptable will appear wrong when more of God and His intention is unfolded to you. There is not one Christian in the world who is completely without fault. We have to be careful and not be deceived by the flesh in thinking that we have now attained "sinless perfection."