In my personal Christian life, I once had an unforgettable experience related to dealing with sins. This experience testifies how great the grace of God is, because it was the grace of God from within which supported my entire being. Only when I dealt with my sins did I see how immense the grace of God really is. For my whole life I will not forget this experience. The experience came six or seven years after my salvation, and it was the first time I truly dealt with my sins. At that time the Lord worked in me and revived me, causing me to pray all the time, to serve zealously, and to have a feeling to deal with sins thoroughly. One day the Lord enlightened me and reminded me of an incident that took place in my youth when I was working for a particular organization. The building of this organization had caught on fire, and everyone tried his best to steal things from the company. I also took two small things. The first thing was a very pretty ink box, made of porcelain, for writing Chinese calligraphy. I put it into my pocket when I was helping to pack the things of the company. The other item was a clothes brush, a Western product, which looked very nice. I put the ink box in my study, and all of my friends would admire it when they saw it. In addition, being able to use the Western brush to brush my clothes when I was getting dressed was very convenient. After I was saved, I did not notice any problem right away; I had only a small feeling that these two things were of a questionable origin. Then six or seven years later the Lord’s grace reached me, and I realized that I had to thoroughly deal with the sin of stealing the ink box and the small brush. I could not read the Bible while looking at the stolen ink box. In addition, the bristles on the small brush were gone after being used for six or seven years.
The need to deal with stealing these two items gave me two problems. The first problem was that the son of my former boss had been my classmate, and I knew him very well. How could I go and confess to him? I found this really hard to do. Another problem was that the bristles on the brush were already gone, so how could I return it to him? For several days and nights I could hardly sleep because I felt that I could not go. I struggled for one or two weeks, and the more I struggled, the harder it became. Then I asked God to give me the courage. At that time my boss had already died, so I thought I should pay for the two items instead of returning them. After I planned everything out, I went to my classmate’s home one Lord’s Day afternoon. I had everything prepared. It was at the end of the year, and he happened to be at home. When he saw me, he said, “I have not seen you for a long time.” At that moment my face turned red, and I said to him, “I have come to ask for your forgiveness. That year when your company caught fire, I took advantage of the situation and stole this ink box from the office.” He said, “That is nothing! This kind of small thing does not matter.” I continued, “And a small brush too! But it has already worn out, so I want to pay you back this amount of money.” He replied, “Do not worry about it! They are just small things.” I asked him to understand me. Seeing how sincere I was, he really had no way to reject me. Then he asked me, “What do you have in your hand?” At that time the government did not allow the general public to print any calendars that included both the lunar and solar years, but there was a Catholic organization which published many calendars like this. This organization was established by Westerners, and the government did not interfere with their activities. Every year this organization would send some calendars to the company where I worked. All the employees in the company who were of comparatively higher positions would be given one. When my boss’s son asked me what I had in my hand, I told him that I had a calendar with both the lunar and solar years in it. Then he said, “That is good! Give me the calendar and keep your money. The calendar will be the replacement for the items you stole.” Of course, on the one hand, I was joyful, but on the other hand, I was sorrowful.
Although I had dealt with the sin, he had been unwilling to receive the money, and this troubled me. On my way home, I prayed, “O Lord, what should I do with the money?” Then inwardly I had an idea: “I should give this money to a beggar, not to a common beggar but to a special one—someone who was affected by the war going on in the suburbs.” When I got home, it was already evening. Someone knocked at the door, and I went to answer. The person at the door said, “Sir, please have mercy on me!” I looked at him and saw that he was a beggar. He continued, “I have not eaten anything all day.” I immediately asked him to come in and gave him Chinese buns, some water, and some small dishes of food. After he finished eating, I gave him some more buns. He said in an embarrassed way, “You are a kind-hearted man.” I told him, “No, I am not kind. Jesus has prepared some money for you. Just take it.” Then I saw him off, and when we reached the crossroad, he bowed to me sincerely and left. On my way home, I met an elderly brother. He insisted on giving me a calendar. When I got home and looked at the calendar, I found that it contained both the lunar and solar years. I said to the Lord, “O Lord, how fearful and awesome You are! You have prepared both a beggar and such a calendar for me. Surely I have received special grace from You.”
When we are dealing with our sins, we have the presence of the Lord, and after we have dealt with our sins, we know more of the Lord. To deal with our sins and our conscience in such a way is not something of law but of grace. The more we know and experience grace, the more we will deal with our sins, and the more we receive grace, the more we will grow. I hope that all of us would become matured Christians, not “half-cooked” ones. This is something done not under the law but with the supply of grace. The more dealings we have, the more we are sanctified.