The New Testament does not give us a clear record of the families of the apostles or of the elders. From Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 9:5, and also from Matthew 8:14, Mark 1:30, and Luke 4:38, we know that Peter had a wife; these are the only words in the New Testament concerning the families of the apostles.
Paul, however, speaks several times of his spiritual children. He referred to Timothy as his spiritual child (1 Tim. 1:2, 18), and also Titus (Titus 1:4) and Onesimus (Philem. 10). Peter also calls Mark his son (1 Pet. 5:13).
There must be a reason for this. I have considered this matter for some time. My conclusion, which I am going to tell you, is an understanding from my experience. I have never read anything concerning this matter, and I have been unable to find a biblical interpretation. The only way I have to understand this matter is by experience and observation.
According to human affections, it’s really hard for anyone not to have his family involved in his career. If you have a business or some kind of enterprise, it is easy for your family to get involved in it. Nonetheless, in spiritual things family involvement is always an entanglement. The relationship among the apostles and among the elders and even among the churches should be absolutely and purely in the spirit. I do believe this is the basic reason that in the early days of the church and the work, the elders and particularly the apostles didn’t bring in their families. When the family is brought into the church leadership, or into the work, there is a peril that the thing would not be so pure.
I have seen a few places—praise the Lord, not many—where the co-workers brought their family into the relationship with other saints. In some places also I have seen where the elders brought their families into relationships with others. Eventually, with not one exception, wherever there was such an involvement, there was suffering and loss.
Let me give you a real illustration. There was a church in which an elder had contacts with the brothers and sisters. These contacts led to a relationship between his family and theirs. A number of these brothers with their wives were willing to help this elder in church affairs, but not in a pure way. Eventually, this elder’s home became a center for this kind of relationship. They termed it fellowship, but actually they went far beyond the limits of fellowship.
Some wives don’t like to have others come into their home frequently. They like to keep their home free of so many contacts. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love the brothers and sisters. They love them, yet they like to keep a distance. However, there are also some sisters—not too many—who like to have people coming into their home. They like their family to be like a market, with the more people the better.
I have seen this happen. In every place where relationships among families have been too close, the church in that place has suffered a great loss. Why? Eventually that family actually rules, controls, the leadership. Actually, it was not the family; it was the wife. That wife controlled the leadership. This has happened in some places. The scale was quite large in some places. The larger the scale of such a practice, the more the church eventually suffers.
The point is this. In the eldership we must bear the responsibility in a very pure way. There must be purity in the motive, in the intention, in the procedures, and in all the doings related to the leadership.
It is always good to draw a clear line between the leadership and your family. It is not easy. Because you are one of those taking the lead, things will come to your attention at home. Then your wife or children can easily get involved. For the long run, it is always profitable to draw a clear line.