In the first stage of our Christian experience sin and the world did hold us back from the experience of Christ, but not now. Now the holding factor is not sin or the world but just this stronghold within you. Whether you call it peculiarity or some other term makes little difference, but I do believe the proper term should be peculiarity. For years we have realized that God’s salvation is not to correct us. It is not to adjust us. God’s salvation is to save us from our fallen being into Christ. We have to admit we have been saved by God from sin, from the world, and from many other things. But we have never allowed God to save us from one thing within us—our peculiarity. You would even allow God to save you from your bad temper, but you would not allow Him to save you from your peculiarity. There is something so unique, so basic, and so hidden that subtly remains within your being all the time. You would never allow God to save you from this. You would never allow Him to save you from this stronghold. This is peculiarity. God’s salvation is to save you from your fallen being into Christ. And Christ today is not only the Savior, but also the life-giving Spirit indwelling your whole being. Up to this point you have been saved from sin, from the world, and from so many other things, yet you do not live by this Christ. You live by that hidden thing—peculiarity.
You may call this hidden thing within us the self. For years I also termed this the self, but within the last years I realized that it is something deeper than self. All Christians condemn the self. Yet you have not realized that a subtle self is under a cloak that you would not condemn; that is peculiarity. This thing is too, too subtle. Although I do not understand much about medicine, when I was sick from tuberculosis, I got some knowledge about that disease. The doctor told me there was a kind of wax covering this germ. It’s difficult for any medicine to kill the tuberculosis because the wax covering is too thick. It needs a burning medicine to kill it. The germ is hidden within the wax.
Your peculiarity is hidden in a thick covering. You don’t realize that such a thing is there. But it is there. What shall we do? I have told you already that I have no way to help. I know of only one thing which can help us in this matter, and that is the Lord’s mercy. You must pray to have the Lord’s mercy. Once you have the Lord’s mercy you will see that within you there is such a hidden thing. So for a number of years you have hardly grown any at all. You may have had much improvement in contacting the brothers, in dealing with your wife, in your attitude toward your relatives, and so forth. You may have a kind of improvement, yet you have not grown in life. Christ has not been added into you. There has been no expansion of Christ in you, so there is no building up of the church.
This is why in your feeling today you are jobless and you are useless. You have been in the church life; you have listened to all the messages; you have been edified; but now what can you do? You have to realize that not only can you do nothing here, you can do nothing anywhere. Eight years ago migration may have helped you. From Los Angeles you went to a new place to do something. But today even to migrate is tasteless. The problem is not outward doing. The problem is the inward lacking of the increase of Christ. You don’t have the increase of Christ. You don’t grow. This “tuberculosis” is biting all the time and is holding you back from the building. Believe me, once you receive the mercy of the Lord and see this, right away you will grow. Then by growing you will be built up. Right away the church life will become tasteful to you, and you will feel a burden with so many things and so many needs. If anyone feels that he or she is jobless, useless, with no interest and no taste in the church life, the reason is that your peculiarity is biting you, eating you up, and holding you back. It is eating you up from the experience of Christ and holding you back from the building up in the Body. I believe that many of you realize this is your need. From deep within you would say, “Lord, here is my need. I need Your mercy. I need Your mercy.” Under this kind of situation where you feel you are jobless and useless with no interest and no taste, even your prayer is not tasteful. It may become just a kind of religious duty. Although you may pray, you pray without any taste. This is all due to one thing. There is such a germ called peculiarity within you eating you up and holding you back.
In this condition you are also quite touchy. This means you are so easy to be offended. Especially the elders should be wise. If some little ones touch you, you would not be offended, but if the elders touch you, you would be offended. You are very touchy. You would not agree with the church administration, and you would not agree with the way so many things are done. You hardly agree with anything except with yourself. This is because you have a strong peculiarity. You have never condemned your peculiarity. You have never starved that peculiarity to death. Rather, every day you feed your peculiarity. This is not a message but a diagnosis of the unique disease among us.
The recovery began in China since 1922, and I came in in the early days. Even then I was watching, and I found out that many older ones felt jobless and useless, and that the church life was tasteless. At that time I was enjoying because that was my church-life honeymoon. I wondered why those people didn’t feel happy with the church life. To me every meeting was lovely. I heard them criticize the elders. I have heard and observed these things since 1932. They bothered me, but no one could tell me what the problem was. But eventually I myself became in that kind of situation. I began to realize I was held back from the experience of Christ. I didn’t grow. By experience I have found that the more I grow, the more I am happy, the more I feel I am useful, and everything is peaceful in the church life. The church didn’t change, but my feeling changed. It changed according to whether I was growing or not growing. If I grew, everything was sweet; if I didn’t grow, everything was gloomy. When you grow in the church, everything is bright. If you don’t grow, everything is not only gloomy, but also black and dark. So the change is not on the church side; the change is on your side. If I had realized these matters in the early years I might have been saved from many things. The problem is I didn’t have any realization. No one can tell you, and even you yourself do not really understand what is within you. This is why we all need to go to the Lord. No one can help you. According to our situation, our illness is a hopeless case. But you don’t need to be disappointed; He is the One who can heal you. The greatest mercy is simply to realize that there is such a problem within you. Otherwise, although you have such a great problem within, you would still be at peace. Yet the actual situation is that you are jobless, useless, and you don’t feel anything in the church life is so tasteful. These are the symptoms of your sickness, yet you are sick without realizing it. So the burden in this message is to help you to realize that you do have such a sickness. Once you realize you have such a sickness, this is a great mercy.