We all have our peculiarity. This is why we may be seeking year after year but have little growth. Year after year we are seeking, yet with little transformation. We may have much improvement but almost no transformation. I hope that these meetings may give you a real vision concerning your peculiarity. I hope that you may realize you have a hidden problem. This hidden problem is why you have been at a standstill for so many years. I have been with many of you for years, and I fully realize that you are at a standstill because of your peculiarity.
Another brother whom you know may be considered as a typical and good gentleman. Apparently he has no peculiarities. He always goes along with everybody. No one in the church has ever been offended by this dear brother and his wife. They are a good couple. But do you believe that this couple has no peculiarity? I must tell you that their peculiarity is even much stronger than yours. Your peculiarity might be like a piece of glass, so easy to break. But this brother’s peculiarity is like a piece of rubber; you can never break it. When you try to break his peculiarity, it disappears. Although his wife may behave herself in such a nice way that you can hardly find anything to break, surely peculiarity is there.
I hope that we can see we all have peculiarity. As long as the ground within you for Christ is not increasing, you must realize your peculiarity is a problem. Sometimes your peculiarity may appear weak, but actually it is very strong. We were born with peculiarity. This is the hidden and strong self under a certain kind of cloak. Many of the brothers and sisters are at a standstill in their growth in life. You are hungry and thirsty, but to some extent you have never gotten any help to deal with your peculiarity. You love the Lord and you love the church, yet you haven’t had much growth. You have not backslidden to the world, but you have no growth. You must realize the problem is peculiarity.
In the past you were helped in many different matters such as dealing with the world. You have cleared up many things, but one thing still remains. That thing is the peculiarity. This one problem causes us to be at a standstill in the growth of life. It is very difficult to break the peculiarity because it is so subtle and hidden. When you try to break the peculiarity, it disappears. When you want to catch it, it hides itself. Don’t think that peculiarity is simply the choice of the flesh. That is another thing. Nor is it simply the better part of the flesh. No, peculiarity is something so hidden that you can hardly pin it down. The only way that you can discover your peculiarity is to notice that over the years you have been short of Christ. Although you may not have been wrong in anything, you had a real shortage of Christ. Christ has not been added into you very much. When we get to the bottom problem of peculiarity, it is not that you make trouble for others or that it is hard for you to be built up with others. The problem is that it occupies you and gives no place in you to Christ. You may be very good. You may not be wrong in anything. But you don’t have that much Christ. Christ has not been added to you. Only by Christ can you find out your peculiarity. When you try to find out your peculiarity it disappears.
With many dear saints the boundary of Christ within them has not changed for forty years. In a sense I would say that the boundary has been somewhat reduced in the forty years. In 1933 I went to Shanghai to work with Brother Watchman Nee. Even though I was quite young, I was charged to bear quite a burden. Even when Brother Nee was home he still would not speak. Rather he charged me to speak. He spoke only in the conferences. Then when he was out of town he charged me to bear the burden of the church and also of the work. Because of this I got to know many persons. Some are still living today. To my registration with some of these the boundary of Christ was broader then than today. Their human living has no doubt improved very much, but as far as Christ in them is concerned, the territory has been reduced.
If we have no vision concerning our ugly, bothering peculiarity, the time will come that the territory of Christ within us will be reduced. There will not be addition, but reduction. Many things related to our human life reduce as we grow older. But one thing that never reduces is our peculiarity. Rather our peculiarity always increases. For example, our temper reduces as we grow older. I can testify that fifty years ago my temper was very high. Today my temper is still here, but it has been reduced. Many bad habits are reduced as the years go by, but we have to realize that as we grow older our peculiarity will increase and develop. This is quite terrible and even terrifying. Once we see this vision surely we will say, “Lord, have mercy upon me! Have mercy upon me! I have no trust in myself.”