After you have overcome and stopped sinning for a week, two weeks, three weeks, or even four or five weeks, you think that you have become good, that you have changed, and that you have matured. You may begin to appreciate yourself and boast in yourself. Therefore, God will give you a test and make you fail so that you will realize that you have not changed at all. If you can endure anything, it is not because you have changed but because you are exchanged. The Lord has endured in your place. If you think that you are changed, you will surely fail. You have to realize that if there is any endurance in you, it is Christ who is enduring for you. If there is any meekness in you, it is Christ who is being the meek One for you. If there is any holiness in you, it is Christ who is your holiness. No matter how long you have overcome, you are still you; you will always be you, and you will never change. Watchman Nee will always be Watchman Nee. After fifty years, he will still be Watchman Nee. Once grace leaves, the only thing that is left is just Watchman Nee. I thank and praise the Lord that victory is Christ and that it has nothing to do with me. I can still sin; I have not changed at all.
A few missionaries from the China Inland Mission in Chefoo once asked me about the difference between a change and an exchange. I said that without grace Paul, John, and Peter would have been just sinners. Paul, John, and Peter would have been the same as any ordinary men if grace had been taken away from them. If we take grace away from a person, he becomes the same as the robbers and the prostitutes in the streets. Grace means Christ replacing us. This does not mean that I have any change in myself. One hymn has a line which says, “Whene’er my heart is lifted up, / How very near I am to fall” (Hymns, #578). This is indeed true. Brothers and sisters, we have to realize that we are still the same; we have not changed at all.
It is very easy for us to believe in our own experience. Sometimes we wonder how a person as weak, defeated, and hot-tempered as we are can overcome. When we look at our own experience, we think that God’s Word cannot be true. But brothers and sisters, is God’s Word more reliable, or is our own experience more reliable?
Once when I was in Chefoo, Brother Witness Lee’s wife came to see me and told me that she had already surrendered and fully believed that the Lord was her victory. She had entered the overcoming experience. However, she complained, “My victory is short-lived. After a week, I become defeated again. My two children agitate me all the time, and I cannot be patient with them. The last two or three days, I was defeated again. What happened to me?” I asked her whether Christ had changed, and she said no. I asked her whether God’s Word had changed, and she said no. I said, “Since Christ has not changed and since God’s Word has not changed, why are you not victorious?” She answered that it was because her experience did not match what she thought it should be. I said, “Suppose your son went out to the street and saw a man who told him, ‘You are not your mother’s son; you were bought at the herb store for twenty cents.’ He would come back and ask, ‘Mother, am I your son or was I bought at the herb store for twenty cents? Someone outside said that you bought me.’ You would surely say to him, ‘My son, you are my son. Do not believe what others say.’ Suppose he went out again and met the same man, who said the same thing again and added, ‘I was there when your mother bought you.’ If your son came home and asked you again, you would say, ‘My son, don’t you believe my word?’ Later, when your son went out again, suppose he met the same man again, who asked, ‘Have you checked with your mother? It is true. The day your mother bought you for twenty cents, not only did I see it, but that chauffeur there also saw it, and this and that person saw it.’ Perhaps the man could name ten or twenty people as witnesses to prove that your son was bought for twenty cents. On the one hand, your son has your word, and there is no need for proof of your word, but on the other hand, there are the words of the outsiders, the testimony of twenty or fifty people, whose lies seem to be based on solid evidence. Should your son listen to your words which do not need any evidence or to the lies of the outsiders which are full of proof? Suppose your son came back to you and said, ‘Mother, these people are showing me considerable evidence that I was bought by you. Was I begotten by you or was I bought by you?’ If he said this, you would surely say, ‘What a senseless child!’ Mrs. Lee, God will also say that you are a senseless child! God says that His Son is your holiness, life, and victory. Whatever God has said counts. But the minute you walk away from Him, you become nervous and say, ‘Something is wrong. It is evident that I have not overcome! Although God has said that His Son is my holiness, this cannot be right, because the evidence shows that I do not have any holiness!’ When you say this, you are saying the same thing that your son said. You are choosing to believe in Satan’s lies, which seem to be full of evidence, rather than declaring God’s Word. Suppose others say something to deceive your son, and he smiles and says to them, ‘My mother’s word counts. You are a liar.’ Suppose he smiles and says, ‘You are a liar,’ when they try to deceive him a second time. Suppose he still smiles and says, ‘You are liars. My mother’s word counts,’ even though others have tried ten, twenty, or even fifty times to deceive him. If he does this, he shames the enemy and it is a glory to his mother! If Satan comes and gives you a feeling that you are cold, you should tell him that you are victorious because Christ is your victory. If Satan comes to agitate, you should tell him that you are victorious because Christ is your victory. You should declare that Satan’s words are lies and that God’s Word alone is truth. This is faith, and this is the faith that is approved. This is the faith that gives glory to God’s name. If we say that we believe with our mouth but are driven back in tears as soon as we are tested, where is our faith? Such faith is short-lived. Genuine faith must surely go through the test. If you concede defeat the minute you are tested, you are through.”
Brothers and sisters, when the tests come and we proclaim that God’s Word is trustworthy, declaring that the Word of Jehovah the Lord of hosts stands, that whatever He has said counts, and that His Word is settled in heaven forever, we will stand. The question now is whose word we will believe.