The second half of verse 15 says, "If he hears you, you have gained your brother." This is the reason for telling. The reason for telling your brother is not to receive any compensation. There is only one reason for telling: "If he hears you, you have gained your brother."
Therefore, the issue is not how much loss you have sustained. If your brother has offended you, and the matter is not cleared up, he will not be able to get through to God; there will be obstacles in his fellowship and prayer. This is why you have to admonish him. It is not a matter of venting your hurt feelings, but a matter of your responsibility. It is a very small matter if it is simply a matter of hurt feelings. If it is just a matter of hurt feelings, if the issue does not pose a problem to you, and if you think you can get over it, you do not need to speak to your brother or anyone else. No one knows better than you do how serious the matter is to you. The responsibility of making the decision to go or not to go rests with you. Such responsibility rests with the party who is clearest about the matter. There are many things that can be let go of, but there are also many things that must be dealt with. If some offenses will indeed stumble your brother, you must point out his fault to him while he and you are alone together. Anything that should be dealt with must be dealt with carefully. You may let the matter go easily, but the other party may not be able to get through like you. He has committed an offense before God, and God has not yet forgiven him. If a brother has committed a mistake that will jeopardize his relationship with God, this is not a small matter, and you should go and clearly tell him about it. You must find an opportunity while he and you are alone together and say, "Brother, it was not right for you to offend me in such a way. Your offense will ruin your future before God. You will create obstacles and bring loss to yourself before God." If he listens to you, "You have gained your brother." In this way you restore your brother.
Today many of God's children do not obey the teaching of this portion of the Word. Some people always speak of others' wrongdoings, continually publicizing them. Some do not tell others, yet they never forgive and always harbor grudges in their hearts. Some forgive but do not try to restore. But this is not what the Lord wants us to do. It is wrong to speak of others' faults; it is wrong to keep silent yet be unforgiving in the heart; and it is equally wrong to forgive but not to exhort.
The Lord did not say that it is good enough for us to forgive the brother who has offended us. The Lord also showed us that the offended one has the responsibility to restore the offending one. Since it is not a small thing to offend someone, we have the responsibility to tell the one who has offended us for his sake. We must think of some way to restore our brother and gain him back. When we speak to him, we must be proper in our attitude and pure in our intention. Our purpose is to restore our brother. If our intention is to gain him, we will know how to point out his fault. If our intention is not to restore him, it will only worsen the relationship. The purpose of exhortation is not to ask for recompense or to justify our own feelings; it is for the purpose of restoring our brother.
If our intention is pure, we will know how to do this step by step. First, we must have the right spirit. Next, the words we speak, the way we speak them, including our attitude, countenance, voice, and tone, must all be right. Our purpose is to gain him, not just to inform him of his fault.
If we are simply trying to rebuke him, our rebuking may be right, and the strong words we use may be justified, but our attitude, tone, and countenance may never achieve the goal of gaining him.
It is easy for us to say good things about a brother; it is easy to praise a person. It is also very easy to lose our temper with a person. We only need to let go of our emotions and we will lose our temper. But pointing out a person's fault and, at the same time, restoring and gaining him is something that can be done only by those who are full of grace. One must forget about himself completely before he can be humble, meek, free from pride, and willing to help those who are at fault. In the first place one must be right himself.
You should realize that the Lord allows a brother to offend you because He has shown favor to you and has chosen you. He has put a great responsibility upon you. You are His chosen vessel, and God is using you to restore your brother.
If a brother offends you in a small matter and you forgive him, the matter is settled; there is no need to do anything further. But if a brother offends you to such an extent that it becomes an issue, you cannot close your eyes and say that there is no problem. The problem is there, and you cannot ignore it. If the problem is not solved, it becomes a burden to the church. The church is often weakened because of these burdens. The life of the Body is drained through these burdens, and the work of the ministers is wasted through these burdens. Before God we need to learn to deal with every problem when it arises. If a person offends us, we should not close our eyes and try to ignore it. We must deal with it properly. However, our spirit, attitude, word, countenance, and tone must all be proper. This is the only way to gain our brother.