The starting point of the ministry of the word is revelation. Once revelation comes, God shines in us, and we feel that we have a little light within. However, even though we seem to see something within, this light does not seem to remain for long. It seems as if we have seen something, and yet we cannot say what we have seen. To deny that we have seen anything is wrong because we clearly have seen something. A vision will appear to be with us for a time and then disappear. This is an actual description of the enlightening process. When we are enlightened, our inner being seems to be clear about everything. Yet we cannot explain anything. It seems as if we are more than clear, and yet we cannot explain what we are clear about. On the one hand, we are very clear within, but on the other hand, we do not have the assurance that we are clear at all. Inwardly we are clear, but outwardly we are confused. It is as if there are two persons in us. One is very clear, and the other is confused. After some time, we seem to forget everything except the fact that God’s light has shined on us at one time. Perhaps after some time, God will shine on us a second time. The light comes again, and we seem to see something again. The second encounter may be exactly the same as the first, or there may be some differences. In fact, the two may actually be totally different. Because of our first experience, we may react differently the second time by trying to grasp hold of the light for fear that it will disappear again.
We should pay attention to a characteristic of light—it easily fades. It seems to run or fly away every time. It comes to us in a flash and does not stay for long. It does not remain. All ministers of the word have such an experience. They all wish that the light would make itself clear before it goes away again. They wish that the light would remain long enough to clear them up completely. But the strange thing is this: Many of those who are familiar with the ministry of the word have the experience that they cannot hold on to the light; they cannot grasp it. A man can remember many things, but it is hard to remember light, and what he remembers may not be what he has seen. God’s light is so great and so strong, yet it flies away quickly, and we have no way to remember it. The more light we have, the harder it is to remember it. Many brothers have remarked, “The more we read the writings of those with revelation, the more we tend to forget them.” We must admit that it is not an easy thing to remember light. In fact, light is the most difficult thing to remember. We see with our eyes, not with our memory. The more light we see, the harder it is for us to remember the light. Our memory cannot grasp hold of light. The nature of light is to provide only revelation; it does not provide anything for our memory.
We have to pay attention to the nature of light. Even while the light is shining on us, it seems to be moving away at the same time. In fact, it often does fly away. It often appears that it is passing away and, in fact, does pass away. Our memory cannot retain light. Therefore, we do not know how many times a person has to be enlightened before this shining becomes a revelation to him. When light comes to him the first time, it may pass away. He may not remember anything of the content of what he has seen, other than the fact that he has seen something. The only thing he retains in his memory is the registration that he has seen something. When light comes the second time, he may see something more but still may have no way to grasp its content. He may only remember that he has seen something again. Light comes quickly, yet it is hard to retain it. When light comes the third time, he may see what he saw the previous two times. He may see something more clearly, or the light may stay longer than the previous two times. But he faces the same problem of not being able to remember the light. He knows that he has seen the light, and he knows that he has had an encounter with light. Light comes again and again. Each time the light comes, it is different. Yet each time he is enlightened, he has the sensation that the light passes by too quickly. It flies away. It escapes easily. It is too transient. He remembers nothing of what he saw and how he saw it; all he remembers is that he saw something. Sometimes this light shines into a person’s spirit directly without passing through any other means, and its shining goes on in a dynamic way. Sometimes a person experiences this shining in his spirit as he is reading the Bible. Most of the time he receives the shining directly in his spirit, but occasionally he receives some shining when he is reading the Bible. Whether he sees the light directly in his spirit or through reading the Bible, there is one characteristic of light—it is fleeting and hard to retain.