In addition, you should show proper appreciation for your children when they perform well. Some parents only know how to punish and scold; they know nothing else. This easily provokes their children to anger. Please remember that many children do have a desire to be good. If you have nothing for them except punishment and rebuke, they will become disheartened, according to Paul’s word in Colossians 3:21. They will say that it is useless to do good because their parents will not acknowledge it. You must encourage your children when they perform well. You can say to them, “Today you have done well. I will reward you. I want to give you something special.” Children do need to be disciplined, but they also need to be rewarded. Otherwise, they will become disheartened.
I read of a story about a little girl whose mother only knew how to beat and scold her children. The child had a good disposition when she was young. Since she felt that her mother did not approve of her, she decided that she would work especially hard one day to try to please her. When evening came, her mother undressed her, put her to bed, and began to walk away. As the mother was walking away, the daughter called to her. The mother asked what she wanted. She did not say anything. When the mother started to walk away again, the daughter called again. When the mother asked her again, the daughter said, “Mother, do you not have anything to say?” This is one of the stories told by Mr. Bervin. After the mother left, the girl cried for two hours. Her mother was too insensitive. She only knew how to beat and scold her daughter; she was insensitive to everything else.
Please remember that the New Testament has more teaching for parents than for children. The whole world speaks of the mistakes that children make, but the Lord spoke of the mistakes that parents make. Since the world speaks so much about children’s mistakes, we do not have to say too much about them. The Bible tells us parents can indeed provoke their children to anger and dishearten them through their insensitivity. This is why it speaks so much about parenting. This occupation is more difficult than any other occupation in the world. Those who are parents must devote all their energy and mind to be proper parents. Please do not be insensitive to your children.
Sixth, parents’ words are very important to children. You must not only be a pattern to your children but also realize that your words are very important to them.
Please remember that parents should not say anything to their children that they cannot carry out. You must not make empty promises to your children. Do not promise them something if you do not have the ability to fulfill your promise. Do not make a promise to them if you cannot fulfill it. If your children want you to buy something, you have to consider your financial ability. If you can do it, do it. If not, you must say, “I will do my best. I will do what I can do. But I cannot do what is beyond my ability.” Every word of yours must be reliable. You should not think that this is a small matter. You must not allow your children to doubt your words. Not only must they not doubt your words, but they also must have the assurance that your words are accurate. If the children find their parents’ words to be unreliable, they will grow up acting carelessly. They will think that since one can be careless with his words, he can be careless with anything. Some expressions can be used only in politics; they are not factual. Parents should not use such expressions. Many parents are apparently too kind to their children. They promise whatever their children ask, but nine out of ten times they cannot fulfill their promises. Such wonderful promises produce only one result in the children—disappointment. You must promise only things that you can do. If you cannot do a certain thing, do not promise it. If you are not sure whether you can do it, tell them so. Your words must be accurate.