Two students were once talking to each other in school. The girl said to her classmate, “I know my father. He is willing to die for me.” Listen to what she said! This is the comment of a child about her father. Her father was a Christian. This was the kind of father he was to her. The other girl was also from a Christian family. Her father was harsh and lost his temper with his daughter easily. Once she heard a sermon at school. When she arrived home, her father asked her what she had learned. She answered, “I now know that the Lord has given you to me to be my cross.” Both fathers were Christians. But what a difference between them!
I would say to the parents: Be slow to demand obedience from your children. Instead, first demand that you yourselves be good parents before the Lord. If you are not good parents, you can never be good Christians. God does not give us children for the purpose of making us their crosses. God gave us children so that we will learn to honor their freedom, personality, and soul before the Lord.
Fifth, Paul showed us an important thing that parents should not do—they should not provoke their children to anger (Eph. 6:4).
What does it mean to provoke children to anger? It means the excessive use of authority. One can overpower his children with physical strength. This is always possible because parents are stronger than their children. Or one can try to subdue his children with financial power. He may say, “If you do not obey me, I will not give you any money. If you do not listen to me, I will take away your food and clothing.” Since the children depend on him for their living, he overpowers them with his money by threatening to withdraw his support. Some parents dominate their children with physical power, and others dominate them with their iron will. This can provoke their children to anger. When they are provoked, they will wait for the chance for their freedom. One day they will break their bondage and seek total freedom.
I know a brother whose father gambled, smoked, and behaved rudely at home. He embezzled public funds and was involved in many other unscrupulous businesses. But he still went to church, and he wanted all of his children to go to church. He would rebuke and punish them severely if they did not go. He ruined his children’s taste for the family, all the while insisting that they go to church. Later, the brother said, “I vowed that when I grew up one day, I would never go to church. As soon as I could support myself, I was going to turn away from the church.” Even though he swore this way, eventually he was saved. Thank God! Otherwise, he would have become another anti-Christian proponent. This was a very serious matter. The father did not try to make his children love him, yet he demanded that his children go to church. This never works. This provokes children to anger. Parents should not exercise excessive authority over their children or provoke them to anger. They must never make their children hardened and rebellious toward them.
I remember another man who is not saved. Not long ago I saw him. He was forced to read the Bible when he was growing up at home, and he was forced to read the Bible when he went to a parochial school. I am not saying that parents should not charge their children to read the Bible. I am saying that you must attract them and be an example to them yourself. It will never work if you merely tell them that the Lord is precious, yet constantly abuse them. There was a mother who was a nominal Christian. She had a terrible temper. She insisted that her son read the Bible and go to a parochial school. One day he asked when he could stop reading the Bible. His mother replied, “When you finish secondary school, you can stop reading the Bible.” On the day that he received his high school diploma, he took his three copies of the Bible and burned them in the backyard. You must draw children in a natural way. Otherwise, when their anger is provoked they may do anything. You want them to be good, but they will rebel against you when they become free. This is what is meant by provoking children to anger. Do not provoke your children to anger. You must learn to be proper parents, to have love, tenderness, and a proper testimony before them. You must also be an attraction to them. Do not exercise your authority excessively. Authority can only be exercised under self-control. If you are excessive in your use of authority, you will stifle your relationship with your children.