Some people hold on to the concept that parents are always right. They hold on to this concept even after they have become Christians. Please remember that many parents are not always right. Many times the parents are quite wrong. We should not pick up pagan concepts, and we should not assume that we have unlimited authority over our children.
Please remember that parents do not have absolute authority over their children. Children have their own spirit and their own soul, over which the parents have no control whatsoever. Since children have their own spirit and soul, they are under their own control. They can go to heaven, or they can go to hell. They must be responsible for themselves before God. We cannot treat them as an object or as property. We should not assume that we can exercise unlimited authority over them. God has not given us such absolute authority. God has given us unlimited authority over dead things, but He has not given us unlimited authority over human beings who have their own spirit and soul. No one can have absolute authority over another person with a spirit and a soul. The thought of absolute authority is a pagan concept. It is related to pride and should not be found among us.
We are reasonable with our friends and with other members of our family. We are courteous and reasonable with our colleagues and are even more courteous and respectful to our superiors. We try to get along well with every kind of person. But we treat our children as if they are our personal property, forgetting that they also have a spirit and a soul and that they are gifts from God. It is possible for us to vent our anger on them and treat them as we please. Some people think that they need to be courteous to everyone in the world except their own children. They seem to regard their children as the means of venting their anger. I know of parents who are this way at home. They seem to think that a man must be courteous and gentle and yet, at the same time, have a strong temper. It seems that they are not complete if they do not lose their temper. Nevertheless, they realize that they will be in trouble if they lose their temper with others. Their superiors will fire them if they lose their temper with them, and their friends will despise them if they lose their temper with them. They think that there is only one place where they can lose their temper without suffering punishment—with their children. Many parents have a terrible temper toward their children. It is as if their children were the cultivating ground for their temper.
Please forgive me for saying such strong words. I have seen many parents shout at their children over dinner and then turn toward me and say, “Mr. Nee, please take some of this food. It is delicious.” When this happens. I have no heart for the food. These things often happen within a span of just a few minutes. On the one hand, they scold their children, and on the other hand, they say, “Mr. Nee, please eat.” The problem with some parents is that they consider their children to be the rightful means for venting their anger. Did God give us children so that we have a place to lose our temper? May God be merciful to us!
Please remember that God has not denied all rights of children. He has not annulled all the self-esteem, personal freedom, or independent constitution of the children. He has not put them in our hands for us to beat them and scold them. There is no such thing. This is a non-Christian thought; it is not a Christian concept. Please remember that the same standard of right and wrong equally applies to us and our children. There should be only one standard for us and our children. We cannot have one standard for ourselves and another standard for them. Let me say a word to the new believers. You must be tender and gentle to your children. Never be rude to them. Do not scold them or rebuke them arbitrarily, much less beat them at will.
Please remember that such conduct leads to indulgence. Everyone who wants to know God must learn to control himself. In particular, he should control himself when it comes to dealing with his children. This kind of self-control comes from a proper respect of a child’s soul. No matter how small or weak a child is, remember that he has his own personality. God has given him a personality and a soul. You must not damage his character, destroy his personality, or despise his soul. You must not treat him in an arbitrary way. You must learn to respect him as a person.
At the same time, our children are entrusted to our family. Their standard of morality must be our standard of morality. Whatever applies to them must also apply to us. Parents have no right to vent their wrath on their children. A Christian should not lose his temper with anyone, not even with his own children. It is wrong for us to lose our temper with anyone, no matter whom it may be. We should be reasonable, and we should only reason with our children. What is right is always right and what is wrong is always wrong. Do not intimidate them just because they are small and weak. Those who oppress the weak and the small are the most cowardly people in the world.