After a person is married, he should learn to close his eyes so that he does not see. In a marriage two persons live together as husband and wife. They do this day by day, year by year, without any leave of absence or separation. There is plenty of time for each one to find the other person’s weaknesses and faults. You have to learn before the Lord to close your eyes the day you are married. The purpose of a marriage is not to discover the weaknesses in the other party; it is not to discover the other party’s flaws. Your wife is not your student, and your husband is not your disciple. There is no need for you to seek out his faults in order to “help” him. Never look for weaknesses and never try to correct. If you take heed to this warning, your family will be on a firm foundation.
As I mentioned earlier, one has to open his eyes wide to discern and consider all the faults of the other party carefully before entering into a marriage. But after he is married, he should not try to know anything more. From the day he is married, he should forget about trying to understand anything. If he tries to find faults, he can easily find some. However, God has put the two together. They may have the next fifty years together. Each side will have all the opportunities he or she wants to find out the weaknesses of the other party during those fifty years. This is why the first thing to do after being married is to close your eyes to the other person’s faults and weaknesses. You know a great deal already. If you intentionally try to find out more, you will end up with nothing but trouble.
When God puts two persons together as husband and wife, His intention is that there be submission and love between the two. He has no intention for them to discover each other’s faults or to correct each other. God has not made you a teacher or a master. None of the husbands are the teachers of their wives, and none of the wives are the masters of their husbands. No one needs to correct her husband, and no one needs to correct his wife. Whatever type of person you have married, you should expect them to continue in the same way. There is no need to look at the faults and weaknesses of others and try to change them. A motive of trying to change the other party is basically wrong. Those who are married must learn to close their eyes. Learn to love the other party. Do not try to help or correct them.
One must learn to accommodate as well. This is the first lesson one must learn after he is married. No matter how much alike the husband and the wife are, and no matter how compatible their characters are, sooner or later they will discover many differences between them. They will have different opinions, different likes and dislikes, different ideas, and different inclinations. Sooner or later they will discover many differences between them. This is why a person must learn to accommodate the other person as soon as he is married.
What does it mean to accommodate? The meaning of accommodation is to meet someone halfway. We need to take note that it is something mutual. The best thing is for both sides to give in. If it is not possible for both sides to give in, at least one side must try to go halfway. Even if one sees many problems, he should still try to move away from his own position to the other party’s position. It is best to move over completely. But at least one should meet the other halfway. In other words, after two people are married, both must learn to change at least half of everything they do. It is best to change completely. But at least they should change half of what they do. Always go out of your way to meet the other party. To accommodate means to not insist on one’s own view and to be willing to drop one’s ideas. A person may have a certain view, but he compromises his view for the other’s sake.
If a young couple would learn to accommodate each other during the first five years of their marriage life, they would have a peaceful and happy family after these five years. Accommodation means one side goes halfway and the other side also goes halfway. It means one side moves halfway across and the other side also moves halfway across. The husband gives in to the wife, and the wife gives in to the husband. If neither party knows the meaning of this during the first five years of their marriage life, it will be difficult for the family to go on harmoniously. Marriage is not a simple matter. In order to have a good marriage, one must put much effort into it to make it good.
Accommodating others means sympathizing with the other person’s limitations. Some people are very sensitive to sound. Others are very afraid of silence. Some cannot stand noise, while others cannot live without noise and excitement. That is why you have to learn to accommodate. If one person likes to be quiet and the other person lowers his voice for this one’s sake, both have gone halfway, and there is accommodation. Suppose one is extremely clean, while the other is extremely lazy. If the lazy one has to go along with the clean one all the way, he will throw down his pillows and clothes and sing for joy when his wife leaves for her parents. On the other hand, if the tidy wife always has to go along with the lazy one, she will want to move back to her parents’ home when she cannot put up with the mess.
As Christians we should learn to deny ourselves. Self-denial makes one an accommodating person. Both the husband and the wife have to learn to accommodate each other. In this way the family will have peace, even if they do not yet have happiness. If there is self-denial in the family, there will surely be accommodation in the family. If there is no self-denial in the family, no one will be accommodating.
Accommodation is needed not only in a few things or a dozen things but even in hundreds and thousands of things. We cannot expect anything less. This is the discipline God gives to us in the family. Because we have to accommodate others in the family, we are disciplined through the family. This is the way we learn discipline. We must learn to put our views aside and accept the views of others. We must learn to accommodate.