Second, physical health must be taken into consideration. It is true that great love overcomes physical weaknesses. We know that some people marry for the purpose of attending to the physical weakness of their spouse. One brother in England wanted to marry a sister because she was blind. There are many cases like this in church history. Where love is great, physical weakness is overcome.
But we must realize that under normal circumstances, not everyone will have such great love. Normally, physical weakness can become a damaging factor to the success of a marriage. As the physical weakness of one party becomes more acute, the need for sacrifice in the other party becomes more severe, and this spontaneously leads to the possibility of failure in the marriage.
There are only two possible scenarios for a married person who is handicapped in some way and who is being cared for by the other party. Either he is very selfish, or he is self-conscious. A selfish person only receives; he does not give. He only takes but does not spend. If a handicapped person is selfish and always thinks of his own need, after some time this selfishness will become apparent to the other party. The other party will despise such a person and will think, “My husband (or wife) is so selfish. He (or she) thinks only of himself (or herself) and not of others.” She (or he) will begin to despise the other half.
Perhaps such a person is not selfish but is very self-conscious. This will also pose a problem. When a person is very self-conscious, he will feel guilty about his spouse’s constant service and sacrifice for him. It will be hard for him to receive this service or special treatment. This is why under normal circumstances, illness affects the success of a marriage.
Let us turn from the recipient’s side to the serving one’s side. There are also two possibilities with the one who is rendering the service. Either he sacrifices willingly, or he is willing to sacrifice with certain limitations. Human patience easily runs out; there is always a limit to it. Problems will flare up in the home when patience runs out. Sometimes patience has not run out, but there is an unwillingness to sacrifice. Sometimes you may discover that the opposite party is too selfish. You may begin to despise him or her. If the opposite party is self-conscious, you will burden him with a sense of indebtedness. This is like lending money to others. If the borrower is selfish, he will continue to borrow. But if he is self-conscious in any way, your giving will only make him feel worse. I would like to point out this matter to you. Although physical weakness is not an insurmountable problem, it will become a big issue in the family sooner or later. Physical weakness may not be a problem at the time of marriage, but it will certainly be a problem after marriage.
I know of a brother who has a severe sickness and whose wife has to work to sustain the family. The wife works during the day and takes care of the household chores when she comes home at night. Such a situation can last only for a short period of time; it cannot go on for a long time. The wife may work for one or two months, but she cannot go on this way forever. Under normal circumstances, no one can be overburdened.
I believe that a man and a woman should be comparable in health for a marriage to be successful. You cannot have one party who is healthy and the other party who is seriously ill. Otherwise, it will be hard and unbearable for the couple to go on during times of special trials. One must pay attention to the health of the other party when it comes to marriage.
Marriage must be viewed as a long-term endeavor. As such, the matter of heredity must be taken into account. One should consider the health of the individual as well as the health of his or her progenitors.
Heredity is not only medically valid, but it is also spoken of in the Bible. God’s law says that God is a jealous God. God will visit the iniquity of those who hate Him until the third and fourth generations. He will also show loving-kindness to the thousandth generation of those who love Him and keep His commandments. Many live dissipated and lawless lives in their youth because their fathers or grandfathers before them sowed to whirlwinds. The Bible says that those who sow to whirlwinds are those who walk in a wanton way. They may be forgiven and saved and they may receive new life one day, but some who are qualified for salvation may not be qualified for marriage. The Lord may forgive their sins and conduct and may save them. But if they marry and bear children, the children may not be saved easily. They will transmit their evil seed to the next generations, but they cannot transmit their regeneration to them. They can only sow the seed of sin but not the life of God; they cannot pass their regeneration on to their children.
Many times when such persons bear children, the next generation falls into gross sin and serious lawlessness. This brings much sorrow to the parents. I am not saying that this will occur when they are first married. I am saying that they will have a difficult time with their children during the latter years of their life. Some have wondered how some spiritual persons could have given birth to the kind of children they have. You may wonder why a sister has such an undisciplined daughter. You should realize that there is such a thing as the law of heredity. In many cases the second and third generations inherit the evil seed of the first generation. What one sows in the whirlwind he will reap in the whirlwind. Your next generation will reap the seed that you have sown. On the one hand, this sowing will give the church one more difficult sinner to work on, and on the other hand, it will give you one more rebellious son in your family. This can present quite a problem to everyone.
What should be done if there are some who have a hereditary problem but who are already married? They have to ask God for mercy so that they would be delivered from God’s governmental hand. This has to do with God’s governmental hand and His arrangement. They should pray that God’s governmental hand will pass over them and spare them these dire consequences.
Young brothers and sisters should pay attention to the factor of heredity in the opposite party, because it has much to do with the rest of their life.