When God created man, He considered Adam to be one half and Eve to be another half. Man was not a complete man until the two halves were put together. Everyone needs to be married. The only exceptions are those who have received God’s gift of keeping their virginity. Most Bible teachers agree that to God’s children, mating means searching for the other half. God has created you as one half, and He has also created another half for you. You have to find that other half in order to become a whole. Mating means to make up the “whole.” The two halves are useless if they remain halves. You must find the other half. If the two halves come together yet remain as two halves, something is wrong with that marriage. We believe that what God has put together should not be separated (Matt. 19:6). This is why we should find God’s match.
Marriage among our young people has much to do with the church; therefore, the older brothers and sisters in the church should not ignore this matter. We must recognize the importance of this matter and help the young ones to make the right choice. If they do not make the right choice in their marriages and something happens later in life, the problems in their families will become the problems of the church. This will put a heavy burden upon the church.
We hope that the young brothers and sisters will open up their hearts before the Lord concerning the matter of marriage. They should drop all prejudices and consider the matter calmly. Do not look at it too subjectively, but consider it objectively. If one becomes too subjective, his heart and head will be too hot to see everything soberly or clearly. Learn to be calm and objective, and learn to bring everything to the Lord and consider everything properly. Do not be stirred up by your emotion, and do not leap hastily into anything. Please remember that a Christian can jump into a marriage, but he can never jump out of it. Worldly people can jump in and out of a marriage easily. But you cannot jump out of it. This is why you must consider it carefully before you jump in.
Let me mention some basic factors affecting marriage. I would like the young brothers and sisters to consider these factors calmly and deal with them one by one. Do not gloss over them lightly.
It was easier for Jacob to marry Rachel than for him to marry Leah. We must never belittle natural attraction. I would never say that anyone would do for a spouse as long as he or she is a brother or a sister. The matter of attraction is not involved in being a brother or a sister in the Lord. But if two persons marry each other, they must consider all the factors that constitute a marriage. One of these basic factors is attraction.
Dr. Bevan of the American Christian and Missionary Alliance had a proper word for this. He said, “Mutual attraction is the highest expression of love.” Such a great servant of the Lord also said, “When the Lord makes you a brother or a sister to all the believers, the question of attraction is not involved. But when He tells you to marry a person, the question of attraction comes in.”
Even Paul himself did not forget this matter in 1 Corinthians 7. He said that if one thinks that he should marry and he wishes to do so, he should go ahead and do it. This shows us that marriage must be something that is produced out of one’s own willingness. One must feel that he wants to do it. Natural attraction is a prerequisite to a successful marriage. Of course, no one needs to teach this, because the young brothers and sisters know this already. They are very much aware of the factor of natural attraction in a marriage. We mention this so that they will see that the older brothers in the Lord recognize this fact and acknowledge its legitimacy. All marriages that are void of natural attraction will not work well. Such marriages are reluctant matches.
If you want someone to be your marriage partner, you must want to be with him (or her) and must enjoy his (or her) presence. You must not endure his company but must like it. There are many people whose presence you endure; you cannot say that you enjoy their presence. But if you want to marry someone, you must cherish and treasure his company. You must be happy about being together with him. If you do not like his company, or if it is not something of an enjoyment to you, you should not marry him, because you are short of one basic factor of marriage. The delight and enjoyment of one’s company must not be something that is temporary; it must be a permanent sentiment. You should have the assurance that thirty years or fifty years from now, you will still enjoy his company. This enjoyment should not be gone after three or five days. This attraction is one of the basic conditions of a good marriage.