In verse 1 Peter tells the wives that if they subject themselves to their own husbands, the husbands will be gained without a word through the manner of life of their wives. The “word” here refers to the word of God (1 Pet. 1:23, 25; Rom. 10:8; Eph. 1:13). A husband can be gained through the wife’s inspiring manner of life. Sisters, no one can inspire your husband as much as you can. You need to have such a manner of life that your husband will be inspired by it. If he disobeys the word, he will be gained by your manner of life, not through preaching.
In verse 2 Peter goes on to say, “Observing your pure manner of life in fear.” The Greek word rendered “pure” here also means chaste. The Greek word is a derivation from the word meaning holy, as in verse 5 and 1:15. The pure and chaste manner of life must be the holy manner of life, the excellent manner of life (2:12), and the good manner of life (3:16). Here Peter is saying that the husbands will observe the pure manner of life of their wives.
The phrase “in fear” modifies “pure manner of life.” The word “fear,” as used in this verse, denotes a holy fear (see Phil. 2:12). This is a healthy, serious caution for us to behave in a holy manner. This kind of fear is mentioned a number of times in this Epistle because Peter’s teaching in this book concerns the government of God. A married sister’s pure manner of life must have a holy, pious fear.
Verse 3 says, “Whose adorning, let it not be the outward plaiting of hair, and putting on of gold, or clothing with garments.” Women’s hair was intended by God for their glory and a sign of their submission (1 Cor. 11:15; S. S. 4:1; 6:5; 7:5). But it was abused by many, especially by those who lived in the luxurious and corrupt life of the Roman Empire at the time of this Epistle, to beautify their lustful flesh by its extravagant adornment with gold and other costly things. Christian wives, as holy women, should absolutely abstain from this God-condemned matter.
Many years ago, a young woman began to attend the meetings of the church in Chefoo. She was intelligent and modern, a student of law. When she first came to a meeting, her hair was arranged like a high tower. I noticed that as she continued coming to the meetings, this tower became lower and lower. Eventually, after she attended more meetings, the tower was completely gone. She repented and was saved, and the Lord touched her concerning the way she styled her hair.
In verse 4 Peter goes on to say, “But the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is costly.” The hidden man of the heart is the meek and quiet spirit. Our heart is composed of all the parts of our soul—mind, emotion, and will—and of the main part of our spirit, the conscience (Heb. 4:12). Among all these, our spirit is the center. Hence, our spirit is the hidden man of the heart. The hidden man is in contrast to the outward plaiting, putting on, and clothing in verse 3; and a meek and quiet spirit, in contrast to hair, gold, and garments. The wives’ adornment before God should be their inner being—the hidden man of their heart, which is their spirit, in meekness and quietness. This is the incorruptible adornment in contrast to the corruptible hair, gold, and garments. This spiritual adornment is costly in the sight of God.
In his writings Paul does not use the expression, “the hidden man of the heart.” What is this hidden man of the heart? It is a meek and quiet spirit. A spirit that has become meek and quiet is the kind of adornment that should be possessed by all Christian wives.
I believe that Peter wrote this Epistle according to his experiences and also according to his observations. He may have used the words “meek” and “quiet” because he knew that often the spirit of Christian wives is not meek and quiet.
Whenever we become angry and lose our temper, our emotion is upset. But that kind of upset in our emotion affects our spirit. This is the reason it is easy for us to release our spirit when we lose our temper. When a person loses his temper, he will have a genuine release of the spirit. Much of what we call the release of the spirit is not genuine. The genuine release of the spirit can easily be seen when a person loses his temper in full. At such a time, his spirit comes forth. However, this may not be a release of a meek and quiet spirit.
Many times the spirit of a Christian wife is not meek. Sisters, when you exchange words with your husband, do you have a meek and quiet spirit? It is a common, even universal, phenomenon for wives to exchange words with their husbands. For example, a husband may make a proposal regarding a certain matter, but the wife will disagree. The husband may want to go in one direction, but the wife wants to go in the opposite direction. The result of this disagreement is an argument.
As an elderly man with much experience in human life, I can testify that a wife’s exchanging words with her husband is a sign of rebellion. Unconsciously and subconsciously, she has deep within her a rebellious spirit. Because she has a spirit of rebellion, she does not want to subject herself to her husband. If a wife were willing to be in subjection to her husband, why would she argue with him? Perhaps she thinks that she has a better knowledge of the situation and is able to foresee problems. Nevertheless, it is still not necessary for her to argue.
One serious lesson for wives to learn is not to argue, not to exchange words, with their husbands. The sisters need to realize that when they exchange words with their husbands, they do not have a meek and quiet spirit. But if as a Christian wife a sister maintains a meek and quiet spirit, she will not lose her temper, and she will not even exchange words with her husband. Knowing the situation of married life from experience and observation, Peter charges the wives to adorn themselves with a meek and quiet spirit.
As we have pointed out, this meek and quiet spirit is the hidden man of the heart. We believers actually have two men. The first is in our soul with our body. This is the outward man. The other is the hidden man in the center of our heart. The fact that the hidden man of the heart is a meek and quiet spirit indicates that our spirit is the kernel of our being, hidden in the midst of our heart, which is composed of the mind, emotion, will, and conscience. Our spirit, therefore, is surrounded by the mind, emotion, and will. If our spirit is meek and quiet, this will influence our mind, emotion, and will. To be sure, if our spirit is meek, our mind, emotion, and will also will be meek. When we are meek, we are quiet. Meekness and quietness of spirit is a beautiful adornment in the sight of God.
What we have in 3:1-6 is not simply a human teaching or reasoning. This is a picture of God’s ordination concerning male and female. Not even our experience of regeneration causes God’s ordination to change. In today’s church life, God still keeps the order He ordained in His creation. God ordained that wives subject themselves to their husbands. Furthermore, as we have seen, a wife’s adorning should not be “the outward plaiting of hair, and putting on of gold, or clothing with garments, but the hidden man of the heart,” the adornment of a “meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is costly.”
In verses 5 and 6 Peter says, “For in this manner formerly the holy women also, hoping in God, adorned themselves, subjecting themselves to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose children you have become, doing good and not fearing any terror.” The sisters need to be today’s Sarahs. Many of the husbands, however, may feel uneasy about what Peter says in verse 6. They may think that they are not worthy to have their wives refer to them in this way. The reason is that today’s situation is altogether not according to the Bible.
At the end of verse 6 Peter tells the wives to do good and not to fear any terror, that is, not to have fright or nervous excitement.
In this message we have considered Peter’s word to the wives (3:1-6). In the next message we shall consider Peter’s word to the husbands (v. 7) and also his word concerning common life.