Now we shall see the thirteenth main point concerning the knowledge of life: the outlet of life. If we want to know the way of life and pursue after the growth of life, we must be clear about the outlet of life, the way through which life comes out from within us.
Almost every main point in this chapter has already been mentioned in the previous chapters. Now we shall again consider each point specifically.
God regenerates us through His Spirit, and, by this, His life is brought into our spirit; therefore, our spirit is the place where life is.
When the life of God, which is in the Spirit of God, enters into our spirit, these three are mingled as one and become what Romans 8:2 calls “the Spirit of life.” Hence, this three-in-one spirit of life within us is the place where life is.
In the chapter The Law of Life, we have said that the heart is the entrance and exit of life as well as the switch of life; therefore, the heart is very closely related to the growing out of life.
Matthew 13 is the place in the Bible which says distinctly that the heart is related to the growing out of life. The Lord tells us there that life is the seed and the heart is the ground; therefore, the heart is the place where life grows out from within us. Whether or not life can grow out from within us depends entirely on the condition of our heart. If the heart is proper or upright, life can grow out; but if the heart is improper or crooked, life cannot grow out. Thus, if we want life to grow out from within us, we must deal with our heart.
Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart; for they shall see God.” This tells us that our heart needs to be pure. To deal with our heart is to deal with the purity of our heart, that is, to cause our heart to desire God, love God, and incline toward God in simplicity, having no other love or desire beside God. When our heart is dealt with and becomes pure, then it is proper and upright. In this way life can grow out.
Though the heart is the outlet of life, the place where life grows out, yet if life is to grow out from the heart, it must pass through the conscience, emotion, mind, and will—the four parts of the heart. Therefore, these four parts become the places through which life passes. Thus, we must see the relationship between each of these four parts and the growing out of life.
When life grows out from within us, it passes through our conscience. The conscience needs to be without offense. To deal with the conscience is to make the conscience without offense.
Before we were saved, while we were yet sinners, we often offended God and wronged men in our conduct and behavior; our heart was filthy and deceitful; therefore, the conscience, being darkened, was full of offenses and leakages and was extremely unclean. Hence, as soon as we are saved, we should deal with the conscience. When we were first saved, a major portion of the lessons we learned, such as making restitution for past debts, clearing our old living, etc., was to cause us, even from the outset of following the Lord, to deal adequately with the conscience that it be clean and without offense. Afterwards, during our entire life of following the Lord, we might fail at times and become weak, thereby falling into sin and the flesh or becoming contaminated and occupied by the world, thus again causing our conscience to have both offenses and leakages; therefore we need to deal continually with our conscience that it may be kept constantly free of offense. First Timothy 1:19 says: “Holding...a good conscience; which some having thrust from them made shipwreck concerning the faith.” This shows us that dealing with the conscience is very much related to the growth of life. Whenever we thrust aside the conscience and neglect the conscience, life is immediately blocked and imprisoned. Therefore, if we desire to have growth in life, if we want the life within us to have an outlet and grow out from our heart, it is imperative that we deal with the conscience.
To deal with the conscience means to deal with all the offenses and the restless and uneasy feelings of the conscience. Before God, whether we become unrighteous because of sin, unholy because a part of the world has occupied our heart, or uneasy because of other inharmonious conditions, our conscience condemns us within, thus causing us to have feelings of offense and uneasiness before God. If we want to deal with the conscience, we must pay attention to such consciousnesses in the conscience. Therefore, to deal with the conscience is to deal with these consciousnesses in the conscience. When we have dealt thoroughly with them, our conscience can be exceedingly clean and secure, having neither offense nor accusation. In this way life can naturally grow out from within us.
In our actual experience, in order to deal with the conscience so that it is wholly clean, there is often a situation of overdoing the matter. This means that the conscience is being dealt with so that it becomes overly sensitive, almost to the extent of being weak. In this condition, one dares not move or act; with each move comes the feeling of offense, and with each act comes the sense of restlessness. This seems to be a case of going too far; yet it is necessary in the initial stage of learning to deal with the conscience.
The period which I dealt with my conscience most severely was in 1935. At that time, I appeared to be a mental case. For example, when I went to others’ homes, after entering the gate, if no one came to open the door, I dared not open it and enter in. Once I entered into the living room, if no one invited me to sit down, I dared not sit down; and if I did, within me I would feel that I was infringing on another’s sovereignty. If there were newspapers before me, if no one invited me to read them, I also dared not read them, and if I did, I would also feel within me that I was infringing on another’s sovereignty. At that time, when I wrote a letter, I had to write it three or four times. The first time I wrote, I felt some words in it were not accurate, so I tore it up and wrote again. After the second writing, I again felt some words were not fitting, so I tore it up and wrote the third time. I also dared not speak to others. If I spoke, I felt there were some mistakes: either what I said was not accurate, or I spoke too much; and if I did not deal with it, I could not be at ease.
Once in Shanghai I lived with another brother in a small room. When we washed our face, we had to bring water to our room and wash. That room was very narrow; even if we were very careful, we could not help splashing a few drops of water on the other person’s bed. At that time, I often splashed water on that brother’s bed. Though after a little while the water dried, and strictly speaking it could not be counted as a sin, yet my conscience simply was not at ease and had a feeling of offense. I could only confess to him and apologize, saying: “Brother, please forgive me, I just splashed quite a few drops of water on your bed.” When I confessed in this way, my conscience was again not at ease. It clearly was only three drops of water; how could I say “quite a few drops”? I could only confess again. In the afternoon, I was a little careless: I stepped on his shoes underneath his bed, and again my conscience would not let me go. I had to confess again. Daily from morning till night, I was dealing with this kind of sins. Eventually that brother became very impatient, and I was also embarrassed to make further confessions; yet if I did not confess, it would not do. One day, there was another offense; if I confessed to him, I feared he might lose patience; if I did not confess, I could not be at ease. At night, after the meal, he wanted to take a walk, and I offered to go out with him. I then found a chance to tell him, saying: “I was wrong again, please forgive me.” Then the brother said: “The worst person is one who does wrong, but would not confess. The best person is one who does not do wrong and does not confess. One who is neither good nor bad is one who does wrong and also confesses.” After I heard that, I said in my heart: “Lord, have pity on me! I would not want to be the worst person, and I cannot be the best person; I can only be a person who is neither bad nor good.”
During that time, I really dealt too much with my conscience. Yet now as I look back, that was still necessary. Indeed, one who wants to have real growth in life must pass through a period of dealing with the conscience in such a severe way. If the conscience is not dealt with adequately, life cannot grow properly.
When our conscience has passed through such severe and thorough dealings, its consciousness is more and more sensitive. It is like the glass of a window: when it is covered with dust and dirt, light cannot penetrate; but if we rub it a bit, it is a little clearer. The more we rub it, the clearer it becomes, and the more it allows the light to come through. Dealing with the conscience is like this. The more the conscience is dealt with, the clearer and brighter it becomes and the more sensitive its consciousness is.
The more sensitive the conscience is, the softer is the heart, because in every softened heart the conscience is most sensitive. If only there is a little consciousness, it can sense it immediately. We may say that a sensitive conscience definitely belongs to a softened heart. All whose heart is hardened have a numb conscience. The more numb a person’s conscience is, the more hardened his heart is. Therefore, when the Holy Spirit wants to soften our heart, He always moves our conscience first. When preaching the Gospel we always speak of sin; this is because our intention is to move man’s conscience so that man may feel he has many wrongs and offenses. When man’s conscience is moved, his heart is also softened; then he is willing to receive the Lord’s salvation.
Since a sensitive conscience which is without offense can soften the heart, it naturally can allow life to grow out from us. Thus, the conscience is the first place through which life passes when it grows out, or the first section of the outlet for the growing out of life.