Second, we need God to open our eyes to see that we are a hindrance to the life of God. We may be naturally irritable or meek, or we may be naturally quick or slow, but in any case, we are a problem to the life of God. As long as we have a heart for God, sooner or later He will show us that we are a problem to His life. In other words, if we want to let the life of God come out of us and if we want to walk the way of life and live the Christian life, we need to look to God to open our eyes and show us that our very person is a problem to the life of God.
Third, if God has opened our eyes, we will hate our self. When we are enlightened, we will truly hate the way we are. About twenty years ago, I was shown mercy and was enlightened to see my actual condition, and I truly hated and abhorred myself. I said, “O God, the problem that You encounter in me is my very self. I truly should be cursed. O God, I hate myself. No matter how I think, how I view things, how I make decisions, how I form opinions, or how I honor my parents, it all is a problem to You. O God, I hate myself. I abhor myself.” When we abhor and hate our self, the Holy Spirit will show us that our self, which restricts and opposes God, has been crucified on the cross (Rom. 6:6).
At such a moment, we will see a vision, a revelation, that we are already on the cross. This can be compared to being saved and enlightened by the Holy Spirit to see our sins. At the moment of our grief, sorrow, and repentance for our sins, the Holy Spirit showed us that the Lord Jesus was crucified for us on the cross. When we repented of our sins, the Holy Spirit showed us that the Lord Jesus had borne them on the cross for us. When we saw this, we praised Him immediately, saying, “O Lord, my sins are on the cross. Thank You. The sins that were mine are now on the cross. Lord, Your cross has dealt with my sins.” We were saved at that time, and we clearly knew that we were saved. In the same principle, the Holy Spirit will show us that our self, as an enemy of God, is the real hindrance and restriction to the life of God. We will loathe, hate, abhor, and condemn our self; however, at the same moment, the Holy Spirit will show us that the Lord Jesus bore our person on the cross with Him. We also were crucified on the cross. At such a moment, we will see a vision of the cross for the second time.
In our experience we first saw that our sins were crucified on the cross. Now we need to see that our person was crucified on the cross as well. Our self has been crucified on the cross. Everyone who sees this vision will praise, worship, and immediately say, “O Lord, my person has been crucified on the cross. I thank and praise You. Just as my sins have been dealt with on the cross, I also have been dealt with on the cross.” This is our true experience, and this is also the beginning of being on the pathway of life. Christian living starts from this point.
Thus, we need to realize several things. First, we need to realize that we have the life of God in us. Second, we need to realize that we ourselves are a hindrance to the life of God. Regardless of whether we think we are good or bad, fast or slow, eventually the Holy Spirit will show us that the life of God is in us. At the same time, He will show us that our person is a problem to the life of God. Our mind is a problem, our will is a problem, and our emotion is also a problem to the life of God; it is our very person that is a problem to the life of God.
We know this because even though our thoughts are not wrong, our judgments are right, and our emotions are proper, God often is not expressed through our mind, emotion, and will. If God’s life cannot be released from us, there is an obstacle to His life in us. This is the reason we say that the obstacle that the life of God encounters in us is our person. It means nothing to God if we are good or bad, fast or slow. Just as losing our temper is not necessarily related to the life of God, controlling our temper is not necessarily related to the life of God. Every good thing and every bad thing, when measured against the standard of the life of God, are hindrances and obstacles.
Third, we need to realize that we have been crucified on the cross. According to God’s view, reckoning, and judgment, we are already on the cross. The preceding three points are the way of life and the revelation of life. Anyone who wants to take the way of life must see these three points. Such a vision and revelation are clearly shown to us when the Holy Spirit enters into us. In such a vision we see the living and immeasurable God with His eternal and mighty life in us, and in this revelation we see that our very person is a hindrance and restriction to life. However, He also shows us that we are crucified on the cross. This vision is the beginning of our walk on the way of life.
Everyone who is before the Lord and who wants to walk on the way of life must start from this point. We need God’s mercy and the Holy Spirit’s shining to show us that the life of God is in us, that we are a hindrance to the life of God, and that we have been crucified on the cross. Everyone who wants to take the way of God’s life eventually must see this.
When the Holy Spirit opens our eyes to see that we have been crucified on the cross, the death of the cross will shine into us and become an inward vision. Then wherever we go, this vision will be deeply impressed into us. Once we have seen this vision, we will start on the way of life, and the life of God will begin to be expressed through us.
After we have seen this vision, we will realize that we have died on the cross and have been terminated. Even if it later seems that we have forgotten everything and begin to act according to our old thoughts, decisions, and choices, the vision, as if it is a voice within, will remind us, asking, “Have you not been crucified? Have you not been terminated on the cross?” While we are thinking and deciding to act according to our own choices, a voice, a word, a light will question us within, “Are you not on the cross? Are you not crucified?” At such a time, we will practically experience the vision that we have seen. Even though we may try to think according to our way, we will be unable, and even though we try to decide and choose according to our way, we will be unable. We will be like a deflated ball that was once filled with air.
Before we see such a vision, we can be compared to a ball filled with air; however, after we see the vision that we are crucified with Christ, a hole will be punctured in us without our even knowing it. Thus, when we try to think by our self, we will be unable; when we try to decide by our self, we will be unable; and when we try to choose by our self, we will be unable. Once the vision of the cross enters into us, it works in us and “punctures” us. When we see the vision, we will be broken.
Someone may ask, “Is it true that a person who has seen the cross will not lose his temper, and that a person who has not seen the cross will lose his temper?” No. A person who has not seen the cross will lose his temper, and so will a person who has seen the cross, but there is a difference. When a person who has not seen the cross loses his temper, the more he loses his temper, the more he takes pleasure in doing so, and the more he becomes enlivened by it. On the other hand, a person who has seen the cross may still lose his temper, but the more he loses his temper, the more he loses his taste for it, and the more uneasy he feels. A person who has seen the cross does not need to be exhorted by others; after he murmurs for half a sentence, he cannot utter the rest of the sentence. If he quarrels with his wife, he feels deflated after only one sentence and realizes that something is not right. There is no need for others to exhort him. A person who has not seen the vision and who is unwilling to bear the cross will quarrel in the evening after quarreling in the morning. This shows the difference between the two. Those who have not seen the cross are energized by their quarrels, but those who have seen the cross are deflated by their quarrels. Experiencing the vision of the cross is not a matter of cultivation but a matter of being broken. God’s salvation is not a matter of improvement but a matter of dying.