Let us begin this fellowship with some personal experiences from a few of the trainees. According to a word from one of the sisters who has attended the full-time training for several terms, what God is wrecking is not her person, but her future, her career, and her goal. Her person has not yet been wrecked. Only a part of her being has been dealt with. Eventually, the Lord wants to wreck not only our career but our person as well.
Allow me to give you my testimony. Formerly, I was a person that was so self-assured. Whatever I did was done with full assurance. However, I cannot point out in what year or in what month I was wrecked by the Lord in this matter. Now I do not have much assurance in the things that I do. Yet, quite often I am very sure that the Lord will bring me through and get what He wants in me. On one hand I am sure, but I do not have the assurance. It is quite strange. When we in our person are wrecked, we lose everything. It is a good experience for our person to be wrecked. When we in our person are wrecked, this means that to some extent we have become mature. A mature person in Christ is one wrecked by the Lord.
A proper character is another matter that the Lord wants to gain in us during the course of the full-time training. The part of our character that the Lord wants to deal with is often that part which is outstanding. So, we must always exercise our mind with our will in order to avoid that characteristic. For example, those with a strong but loose character speak so freely. It is so easy for them to speak. If we are a person who finds it easy to utter something, we should learn how to exercise our mind and will to determine not to speak for a while. If we would not be willing to do this, we will never have any success in our dealings with the Lord concerning our character. This is quite serious.
Although the training here encourages people to utter something for the Lord and of the Lord, some of us need to be dealt with in the matter of speaking too quickly. If we would be dealt with and even broken by the Lord in this aspect of our character, we would become very useful. For us to have this aspect of our character dealt with is most difficult.
We must have a clear, sober mind and a very strong will in order to give ourselves to the Lord and leave ourselves in His hand. Whenever we want to speak, we must remember that this is our natural being. If we would not be thoroughly dealt with, we cannot know what is the Lord's inspiration and what is our natural being because we are so free to speak. Because it is so easy for us to speak, it is difficult for others to discern whether our speaking is by our natural life or by the inspiration of the Lord. We all have to realize that in serving the Lord the main thing is our speaking. Whether we preach the gospel, feed the newly saved ones, or perfect the saints, whatever we do in the Lord's work always depends upon our speaking.
Brother Watchman Nee heard a story when he was young concerning a very famous Italian singer. A young man who had heard of his fame went to him and desired to be taught by him. Although the singer agreed to take him, he made the young man promise not to sing for three years. The young man was instructed only to listen. That was very difficult. The young man felt that it was not logical to be accepted as a student to learn to sing, yet not be allowed to sing for three years. In principle, this is the dealing with our character.
There are other saints who need to speak twice in every training session and in every church meeting. They must exercise their strong will which has been strengthened by the Spirit. They must exercise their sober mind to speak in every meeting. With some it is so easy to speak, while with others it is very difficult. Over the years some of us have never been in an environment that forces us to speak. Otherwise our natural ease or natural difficulty in speaking will spoil us. Therefore, when we are serving the Lord, we all have to learn to speak. Also we should not speak from ourselves, but from the Lord. Whether it is easy for us to speak or whether we are naturally quiet, both aspects of our character need to be dealt with in order to serve the Lord. In either case, we need to stand against what we are by nature.