1. “I betrothed you to one husband...as a pure virgin to Christ” (2 Cor. 11:2).
The marriage of a man and a woman is a symbol of the joining of Christ and the church. The apostle considers Christ as the husband and the believers as His betrothed. Furthermore, he betrothed us as a pure virgin to Christ. Therefore, whenever we see a marriage, we should be reminded of our relationship to Christ and of Christ’s relationship to us.
2. “He who has the bride is the bridegroom” (John 3:29; see also Matt. 9:15).
When John the Baptist introduced the Lord Jesus, he said that the Lord was not only the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world but also the Bridegroom who would marry the bride. The Lord Himself also said that He came to earth as the Bridegroom. The bride whom He desires to marry is His redeemed ones, the believers. He is the unique, true Bridegroom in the universe. Human bridegrooms are a symbol of Him as the true Bridegroom. His relationship with us and our relationship with Him are the relationships of the Bridegroom with the bride. We should be reminded of this whenever we see a bridegroom and a bride.
1. “For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife; and the two shall be one flesh” (Matt. 19:5; see also Eph. 5:31).
The family is built upon the union of a husband and a wife. The condition of the producing and building up of the family primarily depends on the condition of the union between a husband and his wife. The union of husband and wife involves two becoming one flesh, one person, according to God’s ordination. In order to have a healthy family, a husband and wife must be one to the extent that they are one person. God wants a husband and wife to become one person and one flesh. Therefore, He wants a man to leave his parents and be joined to his wife. This is different from the ancient Chinese tradition. In China, when a father and mother find a wife for their son, the daughter-in-law serves them. Consequently, the family often has difficulties and is not very healthy. According to God’s ordination, parents should not expect their son’s wife to serve them. No one should stand between them, making it difficult for them to become one. They should be given complete freedom so that they can truly become one. Thus, they will be able to produce and build up a healthy family.
2. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22; see also Col. 3:18; 1 Pet. 3:1-6).
The responsibility between a husband and wife falls first on the wife. Every time the Bible speaks of the relationship between husband and wife, it speaks first of the wife. A wife should be subject to her husband. Her subjection should be as to the Lord. In matters between husband and wife, God established the husband to represent His authority and the wife to represent the church’s subjection to His authority. Therefore, the wife should consider her husband as the Lord. She should take her husband as her authority and be subject to her husband as to the Lord.
Be subject to emphasizes authority. Sometimes the husband is wrong in a certain matter, and the wife cannot and should not obey; nevertheless, the husband is still the authority, and the wife must still be subject to him and not overthrow him. Sometimes a wife should not obey her husband, but she should still be subject to him. If she does not obey him because he is wrong, she should still be subject because he is the authority. Obedience is related to an order; subjection is related to position and authority. For example, Daniel’s three friends remained in subjection to the king’s authority even though they did not obey his order to worship an idol (Dan. 3).
Wives also should be subject to their own husbands. Ephesians 5:22 speaks of this matter, because a wife often agrees with another sister’s husband but is not subject to her own husband. Sisters should remember the person whom God has ordained as their authority and be subject to their own husband, not another sister’s husband. Agreeing with and admiring another person’s husband, while not being subject to and not admiring one’s own husband, kills the harmony between a husband and wife and causes the family to suffer loss.
3. “The wife should fear her husband” (Eph. 5:33).
Since the husband represents the Lord, the wife should not only honor her husband but also fear her husband. The wife should have fear toward her husband. It is beautiful when a wife has a proper fear of her husband. This will protect her and enable her to avoid many errors. However, if a husband fears his wife, this becomes a very ugly situation and causes many problems.
4. “Young women to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4).
It is not enough for wives to be subject to and fear their husbands; they must love them. Wives are best at loving their husbands, and this is also the sweetest thing. The love of a wife for her husband is the soul of her treatment of her husband. If the wife lacks love for her husband, it is as if a person has lost his soul or as if a lamp is out of oil.
5. “I do not permit a woman...to assert authority over a man” (1 Tim. 2:12).
A wife may not become the head and assert authority over a man. This is not allowed by God. When a wife becomes the head and asserts authority over a man, it is as if heaven and earth have been turned upside down. This is a confusing and disgraceful situation. The most dangerous situation, one which invariably creates many problems, occurs when a woman is the head in every matter, controlling and asserting authority over a man. It is a protection and a blessing for a woman to maintain her position of subjection with a man’s authority covering her head. This is well pleasing to God.
6. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter against them” (Col. 3:19; see also Eph. 5:23-29, 33).
God’s command to husbands is marvelous. The opposite of subjection is the assertion of authority, and since God tells wives to be subject to their husbands, logically speaking, He should tell husbands to assert authority over their wives. Instead, He commands husbands to love their wives. Although the husband is the head, God does not command him to assert authority over his wife; rather, He wants him to love his wife. A husband’s authority as head must be exercised through love. If he does not love his wife, it will be difficult for him to assert authority over his wife. If he does not love his wife, it also will be difficult for his wife to be subject to him. A husband who considers himself as the head but lacks love toward his wife or, as in the case of some brothers, does not love his wife enough should not expect his wife to be subject to him.
7. “Husbands...dwell together with them according to knowledge...assigning honor to them” (1 Pet. 3:7).
Husbands must deal with their wives with love and according to knowledge. A husband must deal with his wife according to knowledge because his wife is weaker. According to knowledge means according to reason, according to facts and principles, not according to emotions and reactions. If a husband is sympathetic to his wife’s weaknesses and cares for and reasonably deals with her according to the facts of each matter, he truly loves his wife. However, when some brothers deal with their wives, they are completely unreasonable; that is, they consider only their own preferences. They give free rein to their emotions and are confused to the extent that they are not a proper head. This creates problems for their wives who seemingly are without a husband or a head. We should not be like this.
Although the husband should be sympathetic with his wife according to knowledge because she is weaker, he should not despise her for her weakness. On the contrary, he should assign honor to her because she is one flesh with him and a fellow heir of the grace of life. A husband is the authority in God’s ordination, and a wife must submit to this authority; in the old creation God made the husband stronger and the wife weaker. Nevertheless, in God’s eyes a husband and wife are one person, and in His salvation a husband and wife are heirs together of the grace of life. Therefore, husbands should be sympathetic to their wives’ weaknesses on the one hand and assign honor to their wives on the other hand.
Husbands often love their wives and are sympathetic to them, but they do not honor them. Honor must be added to a husband’s love and sympathy in order for him to properly treat his wife. Only love and sympathy combined with honor can be considered as true love and reliable sympathy.
8. “Do not deprive each other, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and then be together again” (1 Cor. 7:5; see also 9:5).
Unless they want to devote themselves to prayer, a husband and wife should not sleep separately so that Satan does not have an opportunity to tempt them. According to this principle, husbands and wives also should not be separated for long periods of time. A husband should take his wife with him wherever he goes.