Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Colossians 3:19 says, “The husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter against them.” Paul exhorts the husbands to love their wives. The opposite of subjection is ruling. However, Paul does not exhort the husbands to rule over their wives but to love them. In married life, the wife’s obligation is subjection, and the husband’s is love. The wife’s subjection plus the husband’s love constitutes proper married life and typifies the normal church life, in which the church is subject to Christ and Christ loves the church.
By being filled in spirit and saturated with the word of Christ, husbands are to love their wives “as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” A husband’s love for his wife must be like Christ’s love for the church. This means that a husband ought to give himself up for his wife. To give yourself up is to be a martyr, to sacrifice your life. Husbands are to love their wives at such a cost to themselves. They must be willing to pay a great price, even to die for their wives.
In Ephesians 5:28 Paul goes on to say, “The husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” Here Paul twice speaks of husbands loving their own wives. This indicates that a husband is to love his wife without comparing her to others. Furthermore, the husbands are to love their own wives as their own bodies. A husband should regard his wife as part of his body and care for her as his own body.
Verse 29 continues, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church.” We show love for our body by nourishing and cherishing it. To nourish is to feed. Spiritually speaking, husbands are to nourish their wives. Just as we eat for the sake of our body, so husbands need to take in something of the Lord for the sake of their wives. In doing this a husband regards his wife as part of his body. A husband needs to nourish his wife, to take care of her need, just as he takes care of the need of his body. This is the meaning of “nourish” in verse 29.
Husbands should also love their wives as their own bodies by cherishing their wives. To cherish is to nurture with tender love and foster with tender care. To cherish something is to care for it deeply and warmly; it is to soften it through tender warmth. This is the way Christ cares for the church as His Body, and this is the way husbands should love their wives. Here we see the depth of the love a husband must have for his wife.
Ephesians 6:1 says, “The children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Colossians 3:20 says, “The children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing in the Lord.” In these verses Paul does not speak simply of children but of the children. By using the definite article before children Paul indicates that the children of believers are not common. They are different from the children of people in the world. Therefore, the particular children, those in the families of believers, are exhorted to obey their parents in the Lord.
The phrase “in the Lord” indicates obedience to the parents by being one with the Lord. It also indicates that this should not be done by self-effort but by the Lord, and not according to the natural concept but according to the Lord’s word. The children of believers should realize that they are to obey their parents by being one with the Lord. Moreover, they are to obey their parents not by their own strength but by the Lord Himself. Their obedience is to be according to the Lord’s word, according to the Scriptures.
In Ephesians 6:2 and 3 Paul goes on to say, “Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” This is not only the first commandment with a promise but also the first commandment concerning man’s relationship with man (Exo. 20:12). The promise, mentioned in verse 3, is that it may be well with the children and that they may live long on the earth. The first part of the promise is related to prosperity in material blessings; it also refers to living in a peaceful situation. The second part is to have longevity. According to this commandment, prosperity and longevity are God’s blessings in this life to those who honor their parents.
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