How can we acquire the ability to listen and understand?
First, we must not be subjective. Please remember that subjectivity is one of the main reasons that people are poor listeners. Everyone who is subjective finds it difficult to understand what others are saying. If we have our own subjective concepts and ideas about people, it will be difficult for us to hear what others are saying because our mind is already full. We can be so set in our opinions that others' opinions cannot penetrate our mind. This is the situation with many people who are subjective. They are firmly persuaded of their own ideas, opinions, and views. Nothing can shake their ideas, opinions, and views. They have decided to give their "castor oil" to everyone, no matter how varied the needs may be. Their only panacea is their "castor oil." How can they hear what others are saying? When weak saints come to them, they have no heart to find out their problem. Instead, they are set in their mind as to what they want to say, and they have nothing to say other than their own premeditated admonitions. They are very confident of themselves, yet they are completely ignorant of others' problems. How can these ones work for the Lord? We must ask the Lord to save us from this kind of subjectivity. We should pray to the Lord, "Lord, may I not be prejudiced when I talk with others. May I not force my diagnosis upon others. I should not be the one to determine their illness. Lord, You have to show me their illness." We have to learn to give up our subjectivity, to listen carefully, to hear what others are saying, and to find out their problem.
Second, our mind must not wander. Many believers have never learned the proper lessons in their mind. Their thoughts flow on uninterruptedly both day and night. Their thoughts are never in focus. They just let their thoughts roam hither and thither. They accumulate so many things in their mind that there is no room for anything more when others try to convey their thoughts to them. Many people are too active in their mind. They have a capacity only for their own thoughts and no capacity to take up other people's thoughts. As a result, they can never understand how others think. They cannot take up others' thoughts because they have never learned to be quiet in their own mind. In order for us to hear what others are saying, our mind first must be disciplined. If our mind is always turning like a flywheel, nothing will lodge in it. In learning to listen to others, a worker of the Lord has to steady his own mind. Not only must he reject all subjectivity; he must learn to be calm in his mind. We must learn to think as others are thinking and to understand what others are saying. We must also learn to comprehend the hidden meaning behind their words. If we are unable to do this, we will not be of much use to the Lord.
Third, we must learn to enter into the feelings of others. A fundamental qualification for understanding others' words is to be able to empathize with their feelings. We cannot understand what others are saying merely by understanding their words; we have to be able to feel what they feel. If someone comes to us in deep distress and trouble and we maintain a breezy manner, being untouched by his grief, we will never be able to help him, no matter how long we listen to his words. If our feeling cannot match his, we will not understand what he is facing. Those who have never been dealt with in their emotions can never feel what others feel. A person with hardened feelings cannot enter into the feelings of others, and he cannot understand what others say. If we have not been dealt with by God, we will not be able to sing "hallelujah" when others express their joy, and we will not be able to share their grief when they express their sorrow. We will be unable to identify with their feelings, and their feelings will never touch us. This is why we have to understand their words.