From our experience we can truly testify that a blessed human life is a human life with Christ. When we have Christ, we are blessed; when we have Christ, we are joyful. From April of 1925 when I was saved until today, for sixty-two years I have never regretted my believing in Jesus. Although sometimes I do feel that believing in Jesus is quite troublesome, since the Lord says “no” to many things that I feel are all right for me to do, I have never regretted that I believe in Him.
The afternoon I was saved, when I was walking back home, I looked up to the heavens and said, “O God, even if You give me the whole universe, the whole world, I do not want them. I only want You.” I made up my mind that even if I had to live on tree roots and drink from mountain brooks, I would preach Jesus for my entire life. In my eyes that was the most joyful thing in the world. However, this vow brought me a lot of troubles. Right after I graduated from school, the Lord came to bother me. He wanted me to serve Him full-time. At that time we did not have the expression full-time serving one. There was only the term preacher, which refers to a person who carries a Bible bag and goes through every village in the countryside to visit people and talk about Jesus.
I told the Lord that even though I had graduated, my younger brother still had two years before graduation. I needed to work for two years, and when my younger brother graduated, I could then serve Him full-time. The Lord permitted me, so then I had some peace within. Later, my younger brother graduated. At that time the Chinese customs agency was hiring employees, and my brother, because of his proficiency in English, took the test and entered first place to work in customs. His salary was even more than that of a county magistrate. Time passed by, day after day, and one day the Lord Jesus came to me again.
In 1932, seven years after I was saved, a church was raised up in Chefoo where I was. From that time, I started to minister the word in Chefoo. In those seven years, I never stopped pursuing the Lord and reading His Word. Additionally, I met some from the Brethren assembly. The Brethren were the best at expounding the Bible. I attended their meetings and was greatly helped by them. You can say that because in the seven years after I was saved I was working and studying the Bible simultaneously, when the church was raised up, I could immediately minister the word. It got to the point where I gave at least five messages per week. The more I spoke, the more people came. In the spring of the following year, the number of people who were meeting was close to one hundred, and the need became greater and greater. That was when the Lord Jesus came to me again, and He did not let me go this time. He said, “I have prepared everything for you. The church is here, and the work is here.” I had no excuse.
In August of 1933 I struggled for nearly three weeks, but inwardly I still was not able to give up my job. I was unsettled within. At that time I reasoned with the Lord again, saying, “O Lord, the saints in the church all have financial difficulties. Most of them can make only about twenty dollars a month. There are about a hundred brothers and sisters. My younger brother makes the most money, and I make the second most. My brother and I provide for many of the supplies used in the meetings, and I also provide for the saints in need. O Lord, if I work, I can help others, but if I do not work, I will need even others to support me.”
After three weeks of struggling, one day I asked some responsible brothers and sisters to come together and told them about my situation. That was at a Wednesday night prayer meeting. They all agreed that I should continue to work. It seemed good to them, so I stopped worrying about it. I asked them to pray for me, and they really did pray for me after they returned to their homes. When I went back home at night, I could not fall asleep. I came to the Lord a little after ten o’clock and prayed until about eleven. I clearly felt that the Lord was speaking to me, “This is good enough. We have discussed this matter up to this point. If you still do not believe, then you have rejected Me, the living God, with an evil heart of unbelief.” I neither saw the Lord’s appearance nor heard His voice, but I actually felt that the Lord was saying to me, “Good enough. This is it! If you would follow Me, then follow. If you would not follow Me, then do not follow. It is you who rejects Me, the living God.” I was kneeling down by my bed, so I stood up and told the Lord, “O Lord, I accept; let it be so. Tomorrow I will go to resign from my work. I will quit.” At that time, on the one hand I was joyful, but on the other hand I was still quite despondent.
My parents-in-law came to talk with me; they had always respected me. They said, “You have a job that millions of people could not wait to get their hands on, yet you want to quit. How can you do that? Besides, you can work during the day, and in the evening you can still minister the word and serve the church. Would this not be profitable on both ends?” What they said seemed quite logical, but I was very clear within that it was the Lord who wanted me to drop my job, and if I did not follow the Lord in this way, I was finished. Therefore, even though to believe in Jesus is a blessing, sometimes it does not cater to one’s desires. In the end, I surrendered; the Lord Jesus won. I resigned from my job the next day.
That morning, before I went to work, I stopped by the post office, because they had notified me of a letter that was addressed to me. That letter was sent from the Presbyterian Church in Changchun, a city in Kirin Province, inviting me to go there to hold a conference for a period of time. I decided then to resign from my job to go and preach Jesus. When I arrived at my company, as I had expected, they would not let me resign. I told them that I would go to Manchuria and hold gospel meetings for three weeks, and that when I came back we would discuss this matter. I went to Manchuria, and the first church there was raised up; twenty or more people, including the elders, preachers, and deacons, all were baptized in the river. While I was rejoicing, my company sent a letter to me, saying that they had decided against my leaving and that, at the end of the year, they would not only raise my salary but also promote me to a better position. Now the temptation came again, for there were only two or three months left before the end of the year when I would receive a bonus. Again, I was troubled within. I thought that maybe I could quit at the end of the year. I made up my mind, thinking that the Lord Jesus should be willing to allow me to stay for two or three months.
After I returned home, my brother told me there was a letter for me. Not waiting to get back to my room, I right away opened the letter in the front courtyard and read it; the letter was from Watchman Nee. Actually, it was not a letter, but only a few short sentences: “Brother Witness, regarding your future, I feel that you should serve the Lord full-time. How do you feel? May the Lord lead you.” I was happy yet sad at the same time. I was happy because he wrote the letter during my three weeks of struggling, so I could not deny that it was the Lord’s doing, especially since we had not communicated by mail for eight or nine months. He was outside the country at the time, yet he sent this letter right when I was struggling. How could I not be happy? I was sad because if I were to leave my job, would not the bonus for those months go to waste? However, Brother Nee’s letter became an encouragement to me, so I left my job. After I resigned, the first thing I did was to go to Shanghai to fellowship with Brother Nee. Brother Nee told me that he was on a ship going from England back to China, and when the ship was going through the Mediterranean Sea, the wind was still and the sea was calm. There he prayed for the Lord’s work throughout China. The Lord gave him a feeling that he should write to me, so he wrote that letter.
Therefore, believing in Jesus is a blessing and a joy, but there are also times of struggling. What should we do? In sixty-some years, I have learned the secret of surrendering to Him. The Lord Jesus does not yield; He wants what He wants. If we give it to Him, then we give it to Him; if we do not give it to Him, He will let us do as we will. However, if we give it to Him, we will be blessed; if we do not, sorrow, pain, and remorse will soon follow. Thus, a blessed life is a Christ-life, and a Christ-life is just Christ. Christ will be magnified in our body, whether through life or through death; for to us, to live is Christ (Phil. 1:20-21a). This is a blessed human life, a life of surrender and submission.
(A message given at a young people’s conference in Taipei, Taiwan on May 10, 1987)