In 1 Timothy 3:1-7 the apostle Paul writes concerning the requirements of the overseers, which are the qualifications of the elders. Verses 2 and 3 concern mostly virtues and proper conduct, or the manifestation and expression of what the elders are in life. In verses 4 through 7 Paul addresses the elders’ human relationships. Every human being has human relationships. We have a family, and we live in a community. An overseer in the church must take care to have proper relationships with others.
The first kind of relationships in human life is family relationships. Verse 4 says, “One who manages well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity.” Managing one’s house is a matter of taking the lead, but Paul’s concept here is not mainly related to authority. As a husband and father, an overseer should take the lead in his family not merely by ruling but by establishing a good example and pattern. A family is not like a government or an organization, which are led by authority. A father’s leadership in his family should not mainly be based on his ruling with authority but should instead be based on the pattern of his daily living. Similarly, to be an elder does not mean to rule the church with authority. This concept is absolutely wrong. A father’s management of his family is very different from a supervisor’s management of a business. A supervisor may hire and fire employees, but a father cannot hire or fire his children. The basic need in a family is the father’s example. As a father, an elder must live properly before his family. This is the proper way to manage one’s house. In our home we should not try to exercise our authority as a king, law officer, administrator, or school principal. Paul’s concept in this section concerns the overseers’ daily living. It does not work to merely discipline our children. God’s ordained principle is that a father must live a life that is a pattern, an example, to his children.
As overseers, we must take the lead in our family by presenting a pattern in our living. This is our duty. However, if our children are in subjection with all gravity, we should not think that it is because of our doing; instead, we have to worship the Lord for His mercy. Although the disposition of our children is not under our control, this does not mean we can neglect our duties to live as an example and to spend as much time and energy as we can on our children. Nevertheless, we must realize that the way our children turn out ultimately depends on the Lord’s mercy. We know that this is true, because if two children are siblings and are raised by the same parents with the same care, they may still turn out very different. One may have a good character and become a seeking believer, while the other may have a poor character and not even be saved. Therefore, we must do our duty to live a proper life as an example to our children, but we should not be discouraged or proud because of how our children turn out.
Paul’s word concerning an overseer’s children in verse 4 does not involve salvation or spirituality. We should be a good example to our children, but whether or not they will eventually be saved depends on God’s predestination. Jacob and Esau were twins, but Romans 9:10-13 shows that their destiny depended on God’s selection. We cannot cause our children or anyone else to be spiritual, but we can establish an example by living a sober, temperate, and orderly life and by seeking the Lord. If two flesh brothers listen to the same gospel message, one may be saved, but the other may not. We have seen cases like this. Therefore, we must be zealous in preaching the gospel and convincing people to receive the Lord, but we must also realize that a person’s salvation ultimately depends not on our effort but on God’s predestination. We should not think that because it depends on God’s predestination, we do not need to preach the gospel. We must do our duty. Similarly, we should not assume that our children will behave well if we are a good example, nor should we neglect our duty. The best and most proper way to be a parent is to live as an example to our children and pray for the Lord’s mercy.
If our living establishes a proper standard, we are not liable if our children behave badly. However, if we do not live as a pattern, our children’s bad behavior is our responsibility. If they are good, the credit does not go to us, but if they are bad, we receive the “debit.” This is the divine accounting. We should not say that God is not fair. Romans 9:20 says, “O man, who are you who answer back to God? Shall the thing molded say to him who molded it, Why did you make me thus?” We cannot argue with God. If our children behave well and are eventually saved and live before the Lord, we must worship the Lord, saying, “Lord, I am nothing. Even my best behavior is like dust; it means nothing. I can only thank You for Your mercy.” We should not ascribe anything to our goodness. We have to acknowledge God’s predestination, His mercy, and His grace. If our children begin to live sinfully, we must humble ourselves, praying, “Lord, forgive me. I accept the blame because I may have neglected to adequately care for them in some aspect.” This must be our attitude.
Paul’s concept in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 concerns the overseers’ living. Whether our children behave well is secondary; the primary matter is whether we have a proper living. We must take the lead and manage our family well by having a living that presents a positive pattern to them. This depends on what we are; it is a matter of life.
Verse 5 says, “If one does not know how to manage his own house, how will he care for the church of God?” This indicates that the way for an elder to care for the church is also to be an example. This principle corresponds with Peter’s teaching. In 1 Peter 5:3 he wrote to the elders, “Nor as lording it over your allotments but by becoming patterns of the flock.” If we cannot be a good example to our children, we cannot be a good example in the church. Paul’s basic concept is that the elders should lead not by ruling with authority but by being a living example so that the other members of the church can follow. In order to care for the church, we must drop our natural concepts. To care for the church is not mainly a matter of administration. The word administration does not even appear in the Bible. The New Testament reveals that the eldership is not a matter of ruling with authority but of being an example. According to the New Testament, to be an elder is not a matter of position or authority but altogether a matter of life. We must establish an example by our living. In order to be a good example, we must love the Lord and His Word, deal with sins, hate the self, and learn the lessons of the cross. Caring for the church is not mainly a matter of business affairs but a matter of life. If we lack life, our service in the business affairs of the church is meaningless. Everything we do related to the church must be based on life.
If the elders live a life with a high standard, this will be an example to the other saints. When childish or fleshly brothers rebuke the elders, the elders should not defend themselves but continue to express love to those brothers. This will establish an example for the whole church of denying the self and of not being offended by weaker members but loving such ones. The whole church will learn of this. On the other hand, if an elder goes to see movies, other members will begin to do likewise. Those who do not go will not respect the brother’s eldership. Thus, an elder’s care for the church is very similar to a father’s care for his family. A father cannot have a good family simply by ruling with authority based on his position. Instead, he must live a life that is a standard to his children and that convicts their conscience. In the same principle, the overseers care for the church not by ruling with authority according to position but by living a life as a standard, an example, which the saints will spontaneously follow, just as a flock of sheep always follows the first few sheep. We must reject the concept that the elders “run” the church. Even the Lord Jesus took the way of setting up an example for us to follow (John 13:15; Matt. 11:29; 1 Cor. 11:1; 1 Pet. 2:21). Hence, in order to care for the church as overseers, we must be like fathers who care for their family not by ruling with authority but by living as examples. Paul writes that a brother must be able to do this with his family before he can do it with the church.