The fifth qualification of an elder in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 is “orderly” (v. 2). To be orderly, or decorous, is to have behavior that always fits the situation. It is to be neither too fast nor too slow, neither too bold nor too timid. A decorous person is one who always does what is fitting. One who is decorous talks when talk is necessary and is silent when silence is required. He can also laugh when laughter is appropriate.
The sixth qualification is to be hospitable (v. 2). The elders need to realize that serving the saints as overseers and shepherds requires much time because human life is full of turmoil. In times of fellowship the saints may tell the elders the entire history of their married life or family life. Out of politeness, the saints may say, “I am sorry to occupy so much of your time. Do you still have some time?” In order to avoid offending the saints, the elder must reply, “It is okay—I have plenty of time.” An elder may think that listening to a brother’s story is not very important, but to the brother it may be a lifeline because he thinks that there is no one besides the Lord Himself to whom he can tell his story. Many saints feel this way. We have to realize that human life is like a turbulent sea—there is much turmoil and little rest.
The elders also must realize that most Christians are weak—weak in their soul and even weaker in their spirit. Therefore, the elders need to help them to find rest by listening to their stories. If we can give them an hour or two so that they can release all that is on their heart, that will be a rest to them. We may not be able to solve their problems, but we can give them rest because they trust and respect us as elders. The saints find rest by telling the elders things that they cannot tell others. This is sovereignly ordained by God. As elders, we should not reject the saints who come to us for fellowship. It does not matter whether we can solve their problems. Actually, we cannot solve anyone’s problem, but we can provide rest for the saints by listening to their stories. I have seen this happen many times. We must be willing to give the saints enough time to relate everything. Moreover, just as an on-call physician must be available to provide medical care at any time, an elder must always be available to help the saints. This is part of what it means to be hospitable. Whatever the saints need, we have to give them. This indicates that to be an elder is a very difficult job.
The need to be hospitable is a severe test to the elders. It tests whether we love the members of the church and are compassionate, patient, and willing to be a sacrifice. We must sacrifice our time, our rest, and our material possessions. According to my experience and observation, no other qualification of the elders tests us as much. The sisters who want their husbands to become elders need to know that to be the wife of an elder is difficult because an overseer must be hospitable. A brother who needs to go somewhere may ask an elder for directions to the place. After the elder gives him directions, the brother may confess that he does not have a car or the money to hire a taxi. In order to be hospitable, the elder should then use his car to drive the brother where he needs to go. Even after explaining the location of the place and different ways to get there, if the elder will not take the brother himself, the brother may feel that the elder does not care for him. This kind of feeling among the saints may eventually lead to problems. It is difficult to imagine all the situations a brother will face as an elder. The elders must be willing to help the saints in all kinds of situations.
Being hospitable, which is an endless job, is a matter not of ability but of willingness. If the elder does not know how to find the place where a brother needs to go, he should still drive the brother to look for the place. If he does, the brother will be greatly touched and edified by the elder’s love. An elder may not be able to touch a brother’s heart by giving several messages, but by giving his time and effort, the elder will touch the brother’s heart with his love. To be hospitable is to be willing to give and be troubled, bothered, and exhausted in order to take care of others. Regardless of our knowledge or ability, we must be willing. This is the highest test.